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As of that last update I was playing IPY (In Por Ylem) which was a player run shard that supposedly mirrored "the old days" really well. It was fun for a while, but retarded management and god knows what else eventually drove it into the ground. It had gone from 1500 people online to 150 online. Then some retard doing their coding messed up the world save function and apparently didn't notice the error for months, so it saved lots of invalid saves and there was no backup. The End. We were very sad to see it go. We had a great thing going there that I thought we could never again recapture. We had an unbelievably fantastic time playing there, even past the last update on this website. Those of you who were there know exactly what I'm talking about!

So a few years go by without UO, games come, games suck, and games go. Then someone (fan of the site, played Catskills at the same time we did but for the life of me I don't remember him - shh don't tell him) contacts me about a UO shard they are making, and his ideas sounded pretty good. I helped them get some of the hard to put down on paper type of problems like how doublehits should work. A lot of my suggestions were also used (Fame system and Prison among others). I played a little at first to help test things. Saved up enough for a small tower, which was the first or second house on the shard and placed it near Minoc (It's gone, now). This was all roughly two years ago. Last I heard the project had died down and the work had stopped due to lack of interest on his part.

Then I get a message a few months back that with the impressive release of RunUO 2.0 he is resurrecting the shard and will try again. Several of the "older school" players had given their thoughts on how things should work, and due to some new ideas they will try again. Granted I only take credit for about 5% of the many great ideas this shard has, but he seems to be in line with my basic theme : The only way anyone is going to have any fun is if danger lurks around every corner and the boring things are fun (or at least useful or profitable). I think most people will at this point agree with me about Trammel, most people loved it at first but now with hindsight realize that taking away all threat of danger and excitement really made the game boring for all but the sappiest of roleplayer types.

So I think a successful server has to have a few key ingredients, and this one seems to have it. I absolutely love the fame system because it rewards killing the swarm of red guys with something very unique - Pride!. Think of how many players love to sign up for tourney events and duel competitions. Why do they do it? For the name recognition and the pride that comes with winning. I think under this system you will get this pride and recognition the old fashioned way. I'm sure there will be plenty of red players who hang out near Covetous entrance and take down newbies, that's fine. But they will meet their match at the hands of Blue players seeking fame (and bounties) that can only be gained by hunting down those murderers. I think the most skilled element of the server will be high fame blue players (How backwards is that?!) with the hopeless "kryss and 14 bandage being red". It is a new order to the UO food chain.

The server went public about a month ago. It really sounds (to me) like the best and most unique UO idea I have seen since EA released the Siege Perilous shard. Some people are upset it isn't exactly note-for-note like the game was in T2A era. Well guess what? As fun as that was back then, some of it sucked. Cutting bandages one at a time sucked! The crafting menus were terrible! So just accept that this is a work in progress based on an interpretation of how someone thinks UO should have been.

The server is very up-to-date against various methods of cheating, and takes a very hard stance against that sort of thing. (Prison, anyone??) They actually take a pretty hard stance against anything. No free gold or items are ever given out, the counselors are monitored constantly, the logs for all staff members are able to be reviewed by any other staff member. That being said, they seem to be cool about not taking anything away from people. A guy got 100 lockpick with a bug and got to keep it, some people were making free money with a vendor bug and it wasn't taken away - you just get a warning not to do that same thing again and the problem gets fixed. I like that stance. I really disagreed with the "easy ban" policy a lot of servers (and OSI!) had for every little thing.

The truth is , I don't play the server very often. I have some characters there from testing it way back when, and sometimes I make an appearance in Britain or Vesper and see what's going on (and lose any gold in my backpack to the gambling stone). I would really like to know how some of my ideas worked out. I want to see this sink or swim on its own merit, not because few people are playing to warrant the expensive bandwidth. I'd like to really play it someday.

So do me this favor - read the server info page if you are interested. Try it out. If you are really interested or just want to help out, talk about it on forums, tell people about it, digg it, link it, whatever. Some of you people on SA or a gaming forum get a thread started about it. Remember, they need just as many clueless people playing as we do hard core old timers! Also there's a deal somewhere on the news page about, if a guild starts at once they can get free a guildstone, and maybe a house depending on how many start up.

Remember, this isn't some hardcore PK only shard, it's trying to maintain a happy balance between friendly roleplaying tamers and the guys lurking in dungeons. If we all go into a murderous rampage, the rules might get changed.

Many moons later, we are still killing fools with much comedy. There was actually a 3 to 3.5 month window there where I quit completely. But out of maximum boredom I have returned. The problem is, not many of my friends have. Ely's account got deleted due to inactivity. Grogan got married and started selling makeup full time. Mammy and Wheez don't play very much, etc. But still, all in all, I have been having a good time. As demonstrated by ...

Lunch Boxes Uneasy Truce : Tired of all the stealing and killing, Lunch Box barters a ceasefire!


This here is one of many many players named Jack Sparrow. I've seen "Captain" Jack Sparrow, "Pirate Sparrow" and "Mr Jack Sparrow". Also, there are just as many ships named The Black Pearl! Maybe more. I have at least 3 already in my posession. Anyway, welcome to newbie island. This guy was asking for a gate somewhere and I provided it. On the other side when I got back, Mammy said, "I don't even want to know where that went". I have quite a few pictures of people stuck here now.	This is a great pastime. On this server, tables and boxes and such also block ghosts. It makes for a good time! I had this one joker come inside my house. I let him run around for a little bit while I set up the boxes, then killed him and ejected him so that he would pop up in that spot. He was there for quite a bit! I told my neighbors to come over and look at my lawn jockey. He was spamming like mad. I got a ghost over and he was saying all sorts of shit like he has paged a GM and we will be banned. About the time a GM shows up, he is so mad he is ghost spamming at full tilt about how we are all niggers and he has fucked our mothers. The GM said "Hi" and banned him. Even better!

Not much to say here! I forget which one of us he tried to kill, but it was very unsuccessful.	This was great. Some guy was asking to buy a power war fork, I showed him a vendor that sold one (mine). Then immediately killed him as soon as he bought it. War fork went right back on the vendor 5 seconds later. 6k!

Yeah, we still regulate the mines as often as possible. Stealing, killing, whatever. There is this red guy, ENCY, who is friend to all miners. It is the weirdest thing. There have been several miners where you kill them and they say MY 7XGM RED FRIEND IS COMING! U R DEAD! The greatest thing about this ENCY guy, he has showed up to regulate 3 or 4 times now, once against Wheez and several times against me. He was dispatched to the floor in less than 5 seconds every single time! He really is that bad. I saw one fight against Wheez where he stood perfectly still and kept trying to explode, even though every one of Wheez's spells interrupted his explodes. In this fight here against me, he actually runs out, magic arrows me, then tried to save some of the ore that was on this packhorse! You can see the bag on the ground, he was trying to drag it to safety or something. It took away all of his stamina. I Corp Pored him 4 times and down he went.

One of these times, ENCY was actually guarding some miner in the topcave. Whoa no!! Wheez was in position, I came in on my red and killed his buddy, then we both whacked ENCY. Then, as is tradition, I blocked their ghosts in with boxes. ENCY party chatted with wheez and told him "u guys stick around. my mates are coming to pk u". So we waited...

About 20 minutes later Wheez and I are still standing in this cave watching ghosts move around. Wheez resses ENCY and asks him where the hell his MATES are. "umm busy" he then said "pking". If you can believe that.

He then grabbed a box and made a break for it. (He is red, where the fuck does he think he is going? to town?) I put the explode on him as he ran by me, so there was a wonderful second or two where he thought he was scot free, he bolts out of the cave entrance to freedom ... and... died to the delayed explode. So he runs down that path so he can ghost his way home only to find that I had also thrown a box down there as well, in case any ghosts tried to escape the mountain. Here is the best part. He comes back up to spam us and a gate opens inside the cave, on the other side of the boxes! If he had sat still his MATES would have rescued him! We got ready to gank whoever came through, and no one did! So his MATES coming to PK us never really blossomed into reality.

One cool thing I noticed. Taking this screenshot of ENCY and his dead buddy in the topcave, I realized I had a very similar screenshot from beta. You can tell because back then the ghosts didn't even have ghost robes! That means I have been lurking in the same spot killing fuckers for nearly 8 years!

Right now, the page is no longer public, so if you are reading this in the FUTURE, I have already quit. If you are reading this in the PRESENT, I am still playing. I had to hide the page for a couple of reasons, mainly, the influx of retards that I would experience from playing on a free server. Even on Hokuto, people would make characters there and lurk at Minoc and Vesper banks, hoping to catch me taking a gate or something, then they would spend four days spamming on my steps. I can only imagine how bad it would be if they didn't have to pay to do these things! I get enough of that garbage from motherfuckers who don't even know I have a website.

Anyway, the server is called In Por Ylem (IPY for short). So many people nagged me to play it that I had to give it a shot. At first I was reluctant, because I knew it was governed by morons, and I told everyone "Just you watch , there is no way they will get it right". Sure enough, 3 or so weeks into it one of their trusty GMs leaked all the account/passwords and they had to wipe. Then good old Greybeard came into the picture. I haven't talked to him in a million years, but unless he has had a brain transplant, he is a good guy. I figure with him at the helm, how bad could it be? Things were good. Good enough for me to start playing, anyway. Then Greybeard left. He supposedly was mad about some of the non-pre-UOR changes that were being made with little or no concern as to their effect, and quit the GM team. That left it in the hands of Nighthawk and Azaroth. What little I know of them isn't good. Like one day after I saw the post about Nighthawk being the new GM guy in place of Greybeard, I saw his GM char and his in-game char standing next to eachother in Vesper. That is always a good sign! I don't know anything about Azaroth, I don't think anyone does.

Immediately after Greybeard left, some really stupid things started happening. They started tinkering with insta-hits (which are nothing like instahits were on pre-UOR days), messing around with archery and weapon damage, and even reduced the amount of healing done by the In Vas Mani spell! That one, I really couldn't believe. It was quite possibly the only spell that OSI never changed or nerfed. Well, these assholes got it covered.

But boy do they bring in the dumbasses! I don't know if it is because it is free, or because it is mostly wtfman.com viewers, or what, but it is packed with stupids. I tell everyone who nags me about it that I am not the real Spleen. You would think I am some sort of Medal of Honor winning war hero or something. As soon as they hear that, I get called every name in the book for impersonating the real Spleen. One guy, while I was sneaking around on my thief, said he was positive I wasn't the real Spleen because my pvp skills weren't up to par. Great system! The same thing happens to Mammy and Wheezl. We get called fakers, wanna-be's, and even "biters". (anklebiters?)

Anyway, this server I am playing has its ups and downs. It is free, which is more of a down than an up. The lag is terrible, the server crashes constantly, and everyone hates it. Everyone gets as many accounts as they want, and some other annoying things. But for the most part, it is packed wall-to-wall with morons. I mean the biggest morons ever. I thought the American OSI shard Atlantic had the most retarded players, oh man, they don't hold a candle to your average free UO shard players.

The good news is, j00 is alive and kicking like never before. We have almost 100% of our past members in on the action. Myself, Wheezl, Mammy Nun, Dev, Grogan, Ithaqua, Blasternaut (from Hokuto), and even a new guy named Wheatloaf that we found here. Essentially, all we are missing is Ely and Kurtz. Kurtz keeps saying he is going to play, Ely still doesn't believe we are actually playing. Maybe this will change his mind.

We have met some cool folks. Schmotz and artificial from the Union Local 420 thieves guild are some good guys. The 420 guild is nothing but thieves, and from what I can tell, they all know what they are doing. They are big fans of our work and we have a good working relationship between j00 and the 420. Also, there are two guys who are now neighbors of mine named Newt and Lewt. Their guild is Toe. Nice folks!

Then there is the SAQ guild. It is a ragtag bunch of idiots that are all from somethingawful.com , and have a post on that board with instructions on how to find them. So all of the newbies from that webpage sign up with them. There are a few nice guys, there are a few mean guys, but without question they are all stupid. The guild is led by Arzakon and Ithaqua, of all people. Guys so clumsy and cowardly it made me nervous letting their fighting characters onto the j00 stone at all. They both have a long ways to go to prove they belong with the elite bastards of j00. The SAQ guild is so volitaile, every week or two a couple guys get really mad and break off and make their own guildstone and decide they hate everyone else. So now there are 3 or 4 splinter guilds, all of them swearing vengeance on all of the others. It is a hoot to watch.

We are all mostly settled in, we all have houses and most of our main characters finished. Bastard Island is 100% in our posession. The hard part is pretty much over, now it is just time to get some of that special UO magic happening. Don't think it hasn't started! I was killing miners my very first day on.


This was a great one. This Global Warming guy comes walking into the SAQ guilds open Large Forge and starts asking for directions or something. Well I am friended there, so he was grey to me. I whacked him real quick like, and it turns out there is a healer right outside the door. So he resses and comes back in and starts mouthing off, so I got him again. The second time he resses he bolts into the woods and we give chase. Well it is lagging fairly bad, and we are all hitting brambles, the guys keeps trying stupid shit like "doubling back" and busting crazy ivans like he is going to fool us. No sir. Anyway, the best part is, we are still chasing his ass down and I had gotten him with a spell so his health was all red. I run into brambles and Wheez runs into me, and he pulls about a screen ahead. Next thing we know, death sound! He had bumped right into a dire wolf! We were a zillion miles from town or healers.	This was also absolutely hilarious. It pains me that I only got one screenshot of the ordeal. It was before I had mapped a key for it, I think I was only a day or two old here. This dumb bastard named GrandPappy Fisher (You can find him at Vesper bank every hour of the day) was macroing on his boat off the brit docks in a spot that is lootable. So we took a murder hit on him and he had a key that wasn't for the boat. Well, I remembered seeing him and some guild buddies in a house near Vesper, so I rush to the moongate with Grogan and Schmotz (420) in pursuit. We get there and sure enough it opens the door. There wasn't much loot at all. Like, 4 or 5 storebought weapons and that is it. We axed what furniture we could, grabbed their bandages and stuff, and generally made a mess of the place. Some moron was macroing steal in there, so we rolled him too. (He had some gold at least). Well we are sitting in Fishers house hoping someone would come along, and I see a brown bear wandering outside. I had Grogan attack it and we stuck it in the house! The places was looted and a mess, there was a dead guy in there, and a bear nosing around. Grogan said something like "That bear is in for a world of shit when they get home."

This is one of the most annoying miners around! His name is Tim. He is always wary of being stolen from. You can steal his ingots, and we do regularly, but he is constantly running in circles and hiding and making it very difficult. He is always acting smug like this and cracking jokes. I guess he thinks his antics make us miserable. Well, they kinda do! Grogan, Fancypants and I all hate his ass.	He was not expecting this one! Singing his stupid fucking song until he caught an EB in the head. Down goes Tim! Finally got that stupid grin wiped off his face, and I didn't see him again for about two days. He also stopped singing when I am around, he just bolts out of the cave.

Here are two clowns from the UND guild. The guild is "Undead", and it is a heavy roleplay guild. I have no idea what or how they roleplay, but they are very annoying in IRC. They spam recruitment messages worse than porn bots. Two of them made a quick stop on Bastard Island, and as you can see, I immediately jumped on them. Two tough "unborn magi" against the Spleen? Not a chance! The great thing about this picture, look how he was trying to escape. "right" "We've stopped sir!"	This is just some random annoying prick. He mines, but he is really tough and always wears armor and holds a quarterstaff. Wouldn't have bothered with this picture except look at the great action shot with the bow, and him typing something sassy on his way to the floor. Captain Dirtnap would be proud!

	This is just a great pic. This Lou Ted bin Yew guy doesn't talk much. He either really hates me, or really loves me. He is one of those guys who is all about PvP, but has a completely cowardly defensive character with magery, anatomy, healskill, hiding, etc.
This is a cute little picture from some Minoc cave action we had going on the other night. I was in the cave with my red murdering miners and tough "PK Killers" alike. That is mammy in the white robe with the awesome comedic backup, and my friendly neighbors Newt and Lewt up above. They hung out and watched the show, and were responsible for dropping energy fields on unsuspecting victims.	His "bad ass combat tactics" were to keep putting on reactive armor and keep himself healed, then wait for some other guys to show up and try to kill me. It failed him several several times that night. It is so hard to kill someone with healskill AND magery. I had hit him with a spell or something, and he was doing that frowns action, then my followup shots got him completely by surprise. He later stopped by my house and left me a note on my steps "OoOo oO oO" (not kidding)

This is a picture of MephAtlanticO.G., he claims to be old school, but his activities are centered around dying at the bank and asking people for money or reagents. The other day I stole his silver force weapon, then made him pay me 3k for it, and immediately re-stole it. Then he tried to trade it for a silver force warhammer, which I did, and immediately re-stole it again! This is how stupid he is. Anyway, his guild title is GrImEy StYLe, and I had just killed him, then Newt here (blue shirt) killed him again when he ran by grey. I asked if GrImEy StYLe was where you lie face down in the dirt and play dead. He replied by spamming this over everything I said, so people couldn't see me making fun of him I guess. I love the picture because he messed up and started spitting q's. You know you have them mad when you see the q's.

Here is one of many, many Gandalfs found in UO. The other day, Wheez and I were running through Jhelom and came across some retard named Aragorn. I said "Hey look, it's Aragorn!" then there was about a 2 second pause, and at the same time we both said "#839,238" "#52,044". Funny.

Gandalf! The mighty miner! Don't think this is the last you have heard from Gandalf. I have killed him a few times and he gets so upset he is bound to make some future stories.

Now this one is funny, just because I am such a dumbass... Grogan said it was "brave of me" to post this. Enjoy.

I had just gone red with my new character, and these are two pals Pharismod and SoulStealer, taking me to some Balron dungeon poly'd as balrons. Apparently people fall for it all the time and all kinds of comedy occurs. So we all polymorph, and they give me the last minute instructions and everyone recalls...

Except for spleen. After about 2 minutes, Pharismod comes back like "what is going on?"

Set sail for Stupid! : Take a ride with Spleen and some treasure hunting goons on a fantastic voyage of defeat!