Hail! My name is DARIUS the Tinker. I'm the Guildmaster for the RiNg 0f dA DeAdLy StEeL DrAgUnZ. I was born in Britain about 3 months ago, so I'm not a newbie now. A 13 year old friend of mine, DeAtHdEaLa, rollplays my father. He can't spell 'virtues', but he has GM tactics and wants the world to know. hehe guess I broke character.

<--  Told you I'm no newbie now! ehehehehhehehe

When I was a week old I hung out at britain bank spamming for handouts and selling fishsteaks people would leave on the ground. I would sell these for 1 gold a piece. Well, I never actually sold one, but when I would die to guards for looting blue corpses, people sure would take the fish off my corpse in a hurry! I met my first real friend there, her name was DEATH VAGINA and she was hot in real life. She had bright pink text, was naked all the time, and always had caps lock on. "U R KWL", she said to me one day, while snooping my pack. She has had my heart ever since. The lovely DEATH VAGINA taught me many things about the game, like how to bow really fast with CTL-B and how to scam empty spellbooks. Once I learned this trade, I decided to leave home to seek my fortune. A friendly chap named Lord LRD DRAGON MASTR once told me "u fag imno tgunna   buy urfak ebooks, u sould tr ythatshit at a nwbie bank like minok". Minoc would be my destination! I soon found that my bowels would become irritated if I ever strayed more than 2 screens from any bank, so I was unsure of how to travel to another city. Luckily, I soon met the mysterious Dread Lord named Lord Necriphilostiuphus. He was covered head to toe in evil looking bone armor!! He would spend all day flying around town on his horse screaming "DESTINATION", so I figured he could aid me in my travels. Sure enough, I followed him and some naked people through a magical blue gate.

Much to my dismay, I was in Vesper! I asked the kind Dread Lord Necriphilostiuphus to please take me to Minoc, but he said "LOL Kal Ort Por". I'm not sure what he means, he must be busy doing what Dread Lords do, like escorting NPCs and saying 'balance' all the time! Looking at my nice plastic cloth map that came with UO, I noticed Minoc is not very far from where I am! Maybe the nice Dread Lord was even nicer than I thought? Now, I'm no great swordsman, but I have enough proficiency in the art of war to hold my own, my Swordsmanship skill is an impressive 21.3. I trained on a dummy for hours the other day! I looted a halberd from someone,  begged myself a couple bandages for healing, and soon was on my way to Minoc!

I ran north out of Vesper as fast as my legs and cable modem could carry me! I ran about 10 steps, then hit the wall of someones house, then another, and another. I soon found a road, apparently the only part of wilderness that doesn't have houses, and stayed on the road. I soon found an interesting house with many (Invulnerable) people inside, and walked inside to investigate. Much to my amazement, they turned out to be merchants selling many types of wonderful wares!! Well, one of them was. Most were empty or just had an empty bag or two inside, but one had all sorts of fine weapons and armor, expertly crafted by craftsman named DA MULE DOGG. I was warned by many people about all the deadly PKs that ravage the land, and how to avoid them. Luckily I didn't see any murderers about.

It was here that I met my first fellow traveller! Spleen was his name, and when he entered I said "Hail Spleen!" to which he replied "Hail DARIUS!" I thought he was a nice guy at first, but he seemed to stand sort of close. He had the wierdest color of robe, it looks like the Army green used in Vietnam! He also wore a white "rising sun" headband that I thought was quite odd, since wearing armor is so important. While studying his 2 piece outfit, I suddenly noticed he was snooping through my bags! Further inspection revealed his name as grey, a criminal thief!!! I had 27 gold, my bandages, some meat, and a bottle of ale I was saving for a special occassion. I did not want this theif to steal any of my belongings! I politely asked him to mind his own business or risk death, to which he replied "no". "So be it, stranger", I said, as I changed into combat mode. Here things got a little confusing, because I died as soon as I double clicked him. I believe he was cheating. I just don't understand why some people can't play the game fair like the rest of us, but alas, I digress.

Continuing down the road as a ghost, I saw a mountain looming before me. I read somewhere that it was once called "Mount Kendall", but noone has ever seen a sign calling it that, so most people call it the Minoc Mountain. It always seemed strange to me, having one mountain in the middle of miles of flat land and ocean. I was told the Ultima legend and its related fiction is filled with all sorts of magic and hypocrisy, so I'm sure the explanation is somewhere. Following the coast I eventually found the healers. After getting resurrected I put my shirt and pants back on as fast as I could so noone would know I had just died. I headed back up into town and found the bank right away. Thank god for that, because I could not stand leaving the bank in the first place. It felt great to be home! I immediately started blending in with the crowd. I asked a friendly looking guy named Mammy Nun what his manship was, but he only anwered with a laugh.  Most of the people here seemed to be craftsman of various types, judging by their nonstop macros offering wares for sale. Here I felt at home!

I had started with a 'Merchant' template with 50 Blacksmithing, 25 Tinkering, and 25 Mining, so this was the place to be. Here I met a great friend, Rastlin [High Archmage, VOJ]. He was in a guild called Vengance of Justice, which sounded cool! He said I could be a High General or a Mage Commander if I joined, since I would be the third member. I chose High General because it sounded better and I had no magery, but then again, neither did Rastlin. His two highest skills were Tinkering and Mining, both were in the 70s. He showed me alot about tinkering. He showed me that if I banged my tinker tools on an iron ingot, I would learn a ton about tinkering! I just kept doing that over and over while I socialized at the bank, and soon I had 65 tinkering. I suddenly found myself a little stronger, and ALOT smarter! I had gained about 15 points of INT while tinkering! When I told Rastlin, he said "hehe ya that is why i tinker". Apparently he needs as much INT as he can get, planning on maybe someday becoming a mage and all. I soon learned a route that took me from the bank, to the guarded portion of the minoc mines, to the Blacksmith. Here I worked on my Mining and Blacksmithy skills, raising them as high as I could. Most importantly though, I needed the money. I had always made enough to keep buying a packhorse or two every day, and pickaxes after I would lose them, but at the bank I really learned what wealth is all about. Everyone else that stood around the bank did all kinds of neat things like practice magery, tell people their magery, ask people what their magery is, and inform everyone how high they plan on getting their magery. Another great thing everyone seemed to do was talk about how much money they had, and how they ALMOST had enough for a house, and they would place it any day now. All of these activities got me very excited, and I soon mined 22 hours a day so I could get some money and join their conversations. What a wonderful world!

I met many great people in Minoc, but the one that stands out the most was Of Pain. She was hot in real life. She had a friend named XxXDEATHXxX that was also a very beautiful young lady in real life. The two of them were always very affectionate with eachother, and joked about being lesbians. Cool! They knew all sorts of things about PvP, and were willing to teach me. This was important because I was dying approximately 6 times a day to Spleen and Wheezl whenever I left the bank to mine. With Of Pains help, I soon learned all kinds of great ways to train my warrior skills. I found that sparring her or my guild members at the bank for hours on end would sometimes raise my swordsmanship. Soon I had almost 80! Also, I practiced other important PvP skills like failing spells and running inside the bank yelling for heals. Of Pain taught me that screaming "HEALP" actually worked better, since it was a combination of both 'heal' and 'help'. You don't learn things like that unless you're on the cutting edge of PvP! If I had never met that wonderful woman Of Pain, and her lesbian friend XxXDEATHXxX, I wouldn' t be the very skilled Swordsman/Tinker/Smith/Miner I am today!

To celebrate our VOJ guild tactics average passing the 50.0 milestone, we decided to take the war to Spleen and his goons. One member, Optimus [High Dragon Master, VOJ], geared up and headed out to the mines when he heard Wheezl was around. Optimus ended up losing the fight, but we know it was really close. If Wheezl would ever play fair he would die every time. Optimus went back to the bank and put on another copy of his battle suit and called the guild together. It was here at this impromptu meeting that our entire guild unanimously voted to wage war against Spleen and Wheezl. All 3 of us were ready to fight for justice in the Minoc mines we loved so dearly. Later that night, while we were standing around the bank hitting eachother with butcher knives, a fellow miner friend of mine tRiXzKiLlA came up to the bank freshly ressed. He told us how he died bravely defending his horse and it was a close fight. Spleen was in the cave, and almost dead from their heated battle! I went over to the other side of the bank where Of Pain spends her days flirting with anyone that banks there, and invited her to come along. After all, the golden rule of PvP is : when there is only one opponent, you need at LEAST 4:1 odds, otherwise don't bother leaving the safety of the bank. The four of us immediately put away our butcher knives, banked everything of value, and set out to the cave!

When we arrived, Spleen was grey! He is a thief and was probably stealing from miners. His stealing days were over, or so I thought. We all stood there for several minutes, arguing over who was going to attack first. When Optimus finally attacked, the rest of us watched to see how he would do before we would commit to any fighting. Sure enough, Optimus was kicking his butt! He never actually HIT him, but Spleen ran around in circles asking for help, we could tell he was scared. Naturally, we all attacked and started to surround him. This is when the dying began. Rastlin died first because he CLed as soon as Spleen hit him, then Optimus, but only because Spleen has a much faster connect. Of Pain put her kryss on and stood next to him, but for some reason her expert PvP tactics failed to work. He killed her with magic like a true coward. We all agreed he was cheating bigtime. When I saw Of Pain losing the fight, I started to run out of the cave, but Spleen paralyzed me somehow! He hit me a few times with a Halberd and killed me. I could have taken him if he would have just fought me fair and not used potions, magic, or weapons. Later, Optimus said Spleens pet eagle Corp Por'ed him a few times while we weren't watching. If that is the case, Spleen HAS to be cheating, or maybe his friend Wheezl was the eagle and is using his GM client.

This is when Rastlin took me aside and said "scre wthis dman game it sall full of cheeters, u can jhave da stone dewd. k?" and transferred the Vengence of Justice guildstone to me! Now I found myself the master of a guild, with an army behind me! But then Optimus quit the guild too, and I found myself all alone in the guild. This is when I started my own guild "RiNg 0f dA DeAdLy StEeL DrAgUnZ". I thought I could do a great job as a leader, and wanted a guild that was legendary for its skilled warriors. So, to start this guild, I signed up anyone and everyone who was up to the arduous task of doubleclicking the guildstone. With an offer of guild titles like "Deadly Steel Enfrocer" and "Warlord of da Steel" few adventurers turned down my offer. I soon had a crack team of 5 warriors, ready to defend Minoc bank from people that were naked, freshly ressed, and had grey names. Assuming all of us were present, anyway. I never forgot the wise advice of Of Pain, and her 4 on 1 rule. So it is with this tightknit group of tried and true warriors that I spend my days, doing exciting things like talking about our magery, talking about how we plan on buying a house, and discussing our skills with eachother and other bank patrons. These are the virtues that I hold dear, and I will never stray from these honest ways. Even when we adventure up to the respawn above Minoc, we remind eachother that Minoc bank isn't very far from us, and Minoc bank is never far from our thoughts.