Old News

Warning, this is probably so large and unwieldy some may find it offensive. For you new people, read it from the bottom up!

The standoff has ended! Today, around 1pm EST, with both sides trying for peace, Grogan handed over the files that I demanded, and in turn I put the page back up. Some of you, it seems, were worried about the continued survival of the webpage, or thought for some reason Grogan was my hosting provider and wanted to shut me down. All if this is completely un-true. Spleenshots was never in any danger, and I myself have always self hosted by ... myself.

How did it go down? When the war between Grogan and I became an unbearable stalemate, with him not handing over what was rightfully mine, I did what any respectable chap would do - immediately planned and executed all sorts of nasty terrorist acts. One of these was to deprive him of the website he so dearly loved, Spleenshots.

I would like to thank all of my loyal readers who sent nasty hatemail in defense of this site. Especially those of you who got really nasty and sent way more than your fair share of mails, or did a little hax0ring on the side (you know who you are).

Those of you who still have his email address, please do not mail him. Or, if you do, send only nice things (and send them once, not 10,000 times).

Now, I wish I had a much better update for all of you, but I don't. I will try and get off my ass and make a story or two in the future. Until then, here is a scattered assortment of somewhat recent random pics!


This is one of the jackasses from the recent "Vesper Chests" episode. Here he is at Trinsic bank about to take a quick dirtnap for bring a GREEDY little bastard. Pop Indeed. You can see me cleverly hidden on top of the lowest "treasure" chest.	I think Mammy spotted this joker first, but I nabbed some pics of him (her?) for you. As if the outfit isn't strange enough (Barney motif?) the name SUPER LOVERS is sure to leave just about everyone scratching their head...

This should be permanently locked down and preserved as a national treasure! I found it just wandering the countryside hoping there would be someone to kill. It is a statue of a DUCK, taken to the extreme! For those of you who remember the Oni and Deer statues from Setubun, these statue makers sure have come a long way! The ingredients are (from bottom to top) : Pillow, Sandals, (possibly a torch, then a key?), brown bag, coconut, black pearl, and the best part : a yellow cowboy hat!	CalorieMate and Battle-Cook! Together they fight crime. (Assuming it appears at the Tram Vesper bank and the guards will do the dirty work)

These pics are shortly after Unicorns came into the game. They are still pretty rare, but when this shot was taken they were quite rare, no one was sure where exactly to find them. The owner of this house had logged out and left his precious Unicorn there inside (with his door locked - big mistake!) Mammy and I came by and held court rather quickly, and the jury decided it should die. So we dump our mana on it and it eventually goes down, right in front of the guys house.

We hung around awhile hoping he would come back, preferably with a tough-guy friend or two, but it grew dark and that never happened.

We did, however, land several verbal blows on the home-owner, despite his not being present.

Here is where a major differences between the American and Japanese shards comes up.

US Shards : The population in queer-land is only about double what is in the older lands. There just aren't many people playing in the US, a tiny fraction of what used to be. So, you will not see ANYONE in Felucca, and maybe a few idiots on brightly colored horses in Trammel. The few people in Felucca are all illiterate 12 year olds with blessed spears and d-robes running around the healers on Buc's Den going "LOLOL". That is no ones definition of fun.

JP Shards : The Japanese players must make up most or all of OSI's profits these days. There are more people playing on the Japanese servers now, by a factor of 10 or 15. Also, there is still a huge player base of newbies and smiths and tamers and all the people that are fun to assault. The only problem is, they can do all their boring activities in Trammel, the happyland. The only upside to this is, the good mining and taming spots are still so packed and overloaded that Felucca gets a fair amount of "overflow", meaning the braver miners throw on a magic war hammer and take their packs to the "evil" lands. This, in combination with fact that no one has caused them any grief in two years, makes for the occasional good times. I stress that, because they aren't often. In fact, I wouldn't recommend anyone re-activate thinking there is some kind of action going on, because there isn't. It is just a better alternative than the US shards.

Here is the heartbreaking stat that everyone needs to know about : Unlike the US shards where the population in the two facets is similar, on the Japanese servers, literally 99% or more of the players are safe in happyland. The problem isn't that nobody plays anymore, it is that they are completely safe! For those of you with strong stomachs, take a look at the next two pictures. They were taken within a minute of each other to demonstrate my point. I have never hated OSI more for any single act.

Check out this dipshit. Pure black, tribal spear, Ostard. He means business for sure.

I haven't seen a profile quite this gay in a long time. I can't read it without laughing. I let him know.

I was really hoping this would be the start of a very funny story where I drop the WEAPONMASTER on his ass, but it wasn't so. He recalled as soon as I started to snoop him.

Don't get all teary-eyed just yet. Mammy and I started playing some various UO servers out of complete boredom, and I have to admit, we had some fun. Lately I have been wasting time on Hokuto and sometimes Catskills. None of us wanted to bother making new characters, so we are just sticking to shards we have stuff on. I still have my SP house, but there is 0 desire to play there.

Next thing I know, Grogan re-activates, Ithaqua claims to have gotten his account back, but more important than any of that : Wheezl re-activated. That's right, the three original core members of j00 are back in action. Recreationally, of course. We are hardly playing full time, but we log on to check the mines and see if we can cause some trouble. We have definitely had some fun. I managed to craft up a new spleenshot! Hopefully soon I will have more where I am actually playing my main characters and whacking people, but to be honest, it takes awhile to get used to everything! It is especially hard to be taking pictures of shit as it happens! I don't see how I used to do it so well in the middle of fighting.

I am thinking about re-working my thief character to add disarm, and a few other minor changes to my characters. I hope to be killing and writing more stories soon. In the meantime, check this out, I hope you like it.

Anyway, fuck all that, here is the important news : 1.6 gigs of original spleenshots have been recovered! That is over 1,000 screenshots. I found an old zip file on an unused hard drive that contained all screenshots I had taken from beta to (oddly enough) Sept 11, 1999. That was about mid-hokuto in my career. Most of you anonymous website readers probably never knew, but one of the hard drives on my RAID array crashed, causing me to lose ALL spleenshots ever taken (except for what had been cropped and put on the webserver). This is why there were no updates for a year. There probably never should have been another. BUT, now with this good fortune I can begin cranking away.

For those of you wondering if Spleenshots is only going to be about UO, no, I can guarantee you it wont. If you remember, there were some shots from when we all started playing AC. It was fun for a short amount of time. As it stands now, ALL GAMES SUCK. EQ and all its clones blow ass and make it nearly impossible to have any fun in. DAOC is extreme faggotry, even the SB beta blows from what I hear (or more specifically, don't hear) about it. Star Wars Online is still in the works, so is AC2. They both seem like MEGA FAG LANDS from what preliminary info I can get on them. Doesn't mean we wont try!

Anyway, enjoy the ownage. There will be more coming, this is just all I have time for right now.

Now for some REALLY old shots. These were from within about 3 months after Catskills first came up. So early '98?

Except me. I started up like a week ago. Combat has been all changed around, almost none of it for the better. I designed a really offensive type of warrior character. I will certainly miss the versatility that being a mage offered, but oh well, it is time for something different. I had been Corp Poring people for something like three years straight.

The shard seems OK. I have my home on Bastard Island already, which you may or may not know is almost a requirement for me. I have lived there on Atlantic, Sonoma, Catskills, and Hokuto. Almost my entire UO time. There are nowhere near as many players on this shard as there are on the normal ones, but it is made up for by the fact that it has no gay newbie land. Plenty of idiots to kill, and oddly enough, there are miners as well. There is also a huge Japanese population on this shard. I really don't miss Hokuto as much as I thought I would. The future looks bright. Already there has already been some funny shit going on. For example, the j00 stone lives again. Llama e-bayed us a tower to operate from, and it turns out it is smack dab in the middle of some halfassed player city. It is run by a guild named OTK (Out To Kill, how dumb is that) and as far as I can tell, each and every member is a complete and utter idiot. We are all still making our chars, but I guarantee you in a week or two some funny shit is going to go down. For example, some of the OTK people are red, I think they are trying to be "town guards" because they walk around like the police the place. It cracks me up, because in about two weeks, we are gonna be policing that stupid city. Just you wait.

As a side note, in addition to making (and not finishing) the long awaited SETUBUN 2 story, I also made a story about my last kill. Or at least, one year ago, I thought it was my last kill. It makes for an interesting read either way.

The Final Tuffguys: Two tough miners take a crack at Spleen on his last day of Hokuto

December 26, 2000 - Hah! and you thought I wouldn't update again this year.

I have two stories and a shitload of random pics for you this time. And yes, I KNOW I STILL OWE YOU ALL A SETUBUN 2... It will happen. I just have to get in the right frame of mind. I moved and have a new job and work like a fucking dog. So I don't get much update time these days. If anyone reading this is independently wealthy and wants to pay me 70k/year to play online games and make them laugh, send me some fucking mail.

Onto the random shit. I realized after making all these pics that the quality really sucks. I apologize for that, but I am not going to go back and find the originals and remake them. Sorry ^_^/

This was during a Hokuto serverdown. This is a good view of the action you will find on the asian shards during serverdown. AT THE MOST you will see a couple people with 15 dragons sitting around talking, hoping some poor grey sap like me comes by. I was fucking with someone here and as you can tell, the GURDS are about to get me. I saw this masterful face and snapped this pic with the quickness, before my screen faded to black. I call it the BLOW FACE.

This was such a glorius night. I was working on my taming on Torgo, my friendly character. I had gotten a group of about 30 hinds together, for no reason really. Wheezl and Ely showed up and we got a party started. Somehow Wheez got someone grey, and I stuck these hinds on them. It was a fucking riot, of course only like 9 of them were actually hitting, but it was cool as hell watching that poor bastard spin around with a bunch of hinds making that nasty noise on him. If the dumbass had played his cards right and thrown a sword on, he would probably have made it. Why there are no pics of this I DO NOT KNOW, but Ely and Whhz remember it.


This really kicks alot of ass. I was kicking back at the bank stealing chairs from people. You know how that goes. They think it is real cute to sit on a chair at the bank. I don't allow that. I yanked his chair and behold! the stupid graphics glitch that creates midgets. HELLO TINY JAPANESE MAN.	Here I am guarding the mines from miners. I drop this guys pack, and he calls me a PK. Then his tough friend shows up (notice I evaled him, got him last targetted) to get this party started. PK OK! I think he was saying OK to his buddie saying "I am gonna jump his ass, then you get him in the kidneys with that pickaxe."

Here is a pic of Marktinker (Mark the Spiceys other char) and one of TVMs latest recruits Raislin (yes, raislin, as in : the california raislins). I was roaming around T2A doing god knows what, and I find these two on the road. We stopped and chatted for awhile. This was RIGHT after the dual house scam Wheez and I pulled on this guild, and Mark was giving me a big lecture about how we will be BUSTED AND BANNED. Unfortunately for him, I got the server down message at the same time. I have to say, that was the only time it has been a pleasant suprise. I turned off notoquery, paraed them both, then slowly killed them. I alternated spells between one then the other while they sat there and screamed. They both died standing in the same squares the fight started in. Dont. Fuck. With. TVM.

Here is this clown BASSMASTER. I logged into my Catskills bastard island house to refresh it, and I find this crazy cock with his boat parked outside. I walked out and said "Hail!" and invited him in for tea or some shit. Of COURSE I rolled him, but that isnt the funny part. I then locked potion kegs (you can walk through them, but they throw you back. real annoying) around him, ressed him, then friended him to the house. Short of a GM, that motherfucker is stuck. He can't eject himself, timing out would just log him right back in the same spot, and he couldnt get the door open for a friend to shoot him through it. To this day he is still on my friends list, just in case.

Here is a quick pick of that badass font they have. It was so cool seeing my name in lights like that when they whined about me. Also, there is a shot of a total hottie in there for Ely. CAN YOU REMEMBER HER NAME? Next pic is in almost the same place, later one when Ely and I were Hottie Spotting. HIRO! He kept asking her these insane questions about cheese and bread or something, and she kept getting Serosy on him and just saying "...". Here is her paperdoll for Elys records.

Now for some fucking stupid char profiles. I will start out with this husband and wife duo I found at some gay server down (LS??). Both were "badasses" that stood around at the brit gates not daring to step inside and actually get some fighting going.

Here she is in all her retarded glory. She appears to have some serious sentence structure problems. This outfit is so characteristic of american servers. every fucking thing they can get pure black, they do it. That was so wonderful on hokuto, which came out after the big gay black dye bug. Fuck you, fallo.

Here is her retarded fucking husband, his char info is REALLY A TREAT. It reads like a poorly written mad-lib. One big stupid run-on sentence with a bunch of 'an's thrown in. And then to top it off A warning!!. Not gay enough? CHARACTER STATS. 1/3rd human, deity (???????????) and daemon (???????????????). I am not going to get into how the hell you can be THREE PARTS something, especially when a daemon is in the mix, but fuck, deitys aren't even IN the fucking game. If he is only 1/3 human, why does he appear to be 100% human??? I would love to sit his stupid ass down and have him explain some of this shit to me. Then I would kill him. This one requires reading it out loud. DO IT, YOU WILL LAUGH.

This from catskills. People naming characters "mule" is gay enough, but appending "Dragon" to it is out of this world gay! It is reminiscent of the old "ultima dragons" page. I actually saw it the other day, all our names are still on there. freaky shit. If you will notice, this is one big stupid sentence, and letters are capitalized seemingly at random. FUCK. FUCK. I can't do this anymore

This one is from Hokuto, but this is an American player, I can assure you. He was part of some stupid american guild of badasses. One I harassed almost constantly. This is just downright fucked. It really gets me on the hell city bus reading it out loud. He had a bunch of characters named "dark elf", all of which sucked. This guy FOR SURE needs to die. DO IT. Read this one out loud as well. I hate people.

Here is the preliminary tale as Ely and I first heard it. Yes, you will probably finish reading this and be almost as confused as we first were. Enjoy!

I started making some stories, and finally arrived at the pics from the setubun festival. Those of you in the know will be very pleased to finally see these pics, as they have been talked about for many months now. There is so much actual content, I think I am going to release the setubun story in two parts, the first of which I hope to finish today.

As everyone knows, I almost never play anymore, but after a couple beers the other night I decided I would take a stroll around my old stomping grounds and drum up some trouble. What is this? Someone actually thought they could take packhorses into my cave. Foolishness!

And check this out, I was reading some japanese char infos, and it is always a treat when one has a URL, well, I went to this page, and lo and behold it is some female players page telling the world about how great it is to tailor all damn day, and bitching about being kill by PKs, she even has a screenshot of how evil they are! I looked at this and chuckled a bit, then noticed the japanese client!! Look what it says over her horse! Cool.

In the meantime, enjoy this story I made a few days ago and never actually announced!

I have 623432 gigs of screenshots, and I could probably update this site weekly for years, even if I never played the damn game again. Some people have figured out that if they bitch at me enough, I will sift through some and make stories out of them. You can thank Nija and Ely (who bitches 24/7) for this update... Only one random pic to share with everyone today, but it is a good one.

Damn, ginjirou owns me. I had a second meeting with him, and I might make an entire story (yes, 30 NEW emotes) out of it eventually, but this pic just has to be seen to be believed. He makes a perfect nose out of an arabic character. What the hell kinda hax0ring is that? GM!!! GM!!!

Now this is indeed a rare treat, I added the last of the pictures (about 150!!!) and finished the writeup. I present to you, the FINISHED Interview with Tiger Fai!

MAYBE if you are lucky I will do another update before the year ends... There has been alot of confusion about the whole setubun festival that took place in may, and I honestly hope to make that story next. Goodbye, readers, and remember : I hate you!

I have actually been playing a little bit, and I've been having fun, too. 3 new stories, from various times over the last month or so, and 2 neato pics.

I noticed this crazy new house popped up right behind one of mine, and I walked out to greet my new neighbors. The Glorius MIRENA, Grandmaster Bard, and the Illustrious Lady sofia, Grandmaster Stoic.(oh, and her horse ahoyoko) NUTS! They were super nice, invited me in, and neither could say anything more than "thx!". I said "HOUSE COOL", which they understood, and left. The kicker was sofias badass guild title, Kar Vas Flam

This is an ICQ log between me and this girl Erotica, who was a friend of Mammys from Catskills. She still plays there, and asked me if I had anything on cats. I said yeah I still have a few houses full of crap, and she asks if I have any ignots! I say "hey, no", at first not noticing she actually said IGNOTS, and we had this lovely little chat. Since it is an actualy ICQ log, you have to read it from the bottom up.

Told you the updates wouldn't stop... I was looking for something on the owo.come site and found this supreme gayety. After reading it, I decided as soon as the vomiting stopped I would make a spoof of this. Few hours later I was done. Thanks again to Delusion who made the cool "bloody minoc" pic. OK, here is my special version of it.

First, this is a Tiger Fai update which was so huge I never finished it. It was something like 140 pics, and I was about 70 pics into it when i quit (or something like that). It took place about 2 weeks or so after the original Tiger Fai stuff, so it is ANCIENT! Here you see the untold story about Tiger Fai's impromptu marriage to Mandalorian! All the pics arent in the html, so if you keep adding numbers to the pics, you can see the 30+ pics that arent on the html. MAYBE someday I will finish it.

Second, This has been secret because it is so SPECIAL to alot of us. I still might SECRET IT AWAY somewhere privately in the future, so read it while you can. It is a religious script, a meeting I had with a very magical wonderful man. Behold! The 30 Miracles of ginjirou!!!

Well, here I am six or so months after this page was taken off of r33t.org. As far as I know, Seros had that computer at work and had to take it down. I think its still around, but does minimal stuff, no more free hosting and such. No regrets, it was a great host and flexible as hell. I got to do all the neat password stuff I wanted to do, because at the time I was actually playing UO, and it would have been a disaster getting caught with this page at the time.

Wheez got banned a second time, and tried for a week or two to make yet another account, but gave up after awhile. We did have some SERIOUS fun doing it again for awhile (masterful house scams to pay for his resist and magery). Ely and I kept playing for a few months afterwords, and we actually had a blast. Most of these stories you're about to see came from this period. We mostly chased around funny japanese people and did all sorts of wierd things with them. That was our fun. We didn't PvP as much, since all the rules were in the process of being changed. I still did strikes where I rolled everyones packs and killed alot of miners, but during that time there were alot of wierd patches leading up to UOR changing how magic and combat worked. Shit like equipping your spellbook when you cast, and the hit during the swing delay depending on dex was really annoying. Naturally, all these changes were EXTREMELY stupid, which leads us to where we are now.

With UOR and a complete overhaul coming at us, I sat and figured out what I thought would be the best char. I came up with Magery/Resist/Anat/Healing/Mace/Tac/Parry as my 7 GMs, and started working on that new Spleen the day UOR hit. I quit about 2 weeks later with Parry, Mace and Tac GMed, with the rest in the 80-90s. They really raped skillgain for some things, especially Magery. I never did any fighting after UOR, and eventually just plain quit for a few months since the mirror lands and the gayety they brought REALLY put the hurt on. Ely has since gotten rid of his account, but recently Kurtz started playing again, so I might get back into it. According to Ithaqua, who still plays, the character I made on a whim back then is indeed fucking killer now. Mace is super unbalanced and you can kill people in 2 swings regularly, and parry blocks 80-90% of swings. Sounds good to me! I might start playing a little, maybe will add some new stories as I find old ones or make new ones, but honestly, I hope I never get back into UO again. If you're reading this, you know there was a 2 to 2-5 year span from Catskills to Hokuto that is not only the best gaming fun I ever have had and ever will had, but pretty much the most fun we could have had in real life, as friends hanging out. I think Wheez and Mammy will agree, those are probably the best times of our lives, and it will never be the same.

I got to writing WAY too much here, so I finally just broke down and wrote Spleens UO History. It is almost every aspect of my UO career, as well as much of Wheezl and Mammys, put into words. It should be enjoyed by all! My friends will remember the good times, my enemies will remember the bad, and you total strangers out there will probably think I'm just making shit up as I go along to make me feel better. I can only offer this advice : Eat Shit.

At this point, if you are reading this and it is your first time to see all of this, I reccomend you goto the Old News part, and start reading from the bottom up, then read from the bottom up of this one. This site has evolved so much over the last 2 years, it is less of a shock if you start where the rest of us started : at the beginning.

Now, here are all the various pics and stories that have collected over the last few months of not having a host. I will make an attempt at putting them in chronological order.

Now, on to the random pics that everyone loves! As usual, I'm just gonna throw them out at random.

The night I made this and the Three Minute Boat Steal was my first night back on in several months (that was several months ago heh) and this was my reception. I haven't shown my face in Minoc in 2, close to 3 months, and I start stirring up some trouble in the cave that night with Wheezl and Dev, and before long, look at all the excitement!! This is actually the whole group Ely and I ended up fighting against later that night in War War Korea. Notice a few dead people, and a dead pack. Once word got around that Spleen and his pals had hit Minoc again, they were out in FORCE.

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Hahahaha!

For those of you who don't know, >< is a japanese emote for ANGRY FACE! He is grimacing at me because I rolled his dear packhorse.

Here is Malachite showing us cute little dance move he knows, in what could very well be the last J00 MAKE THE CALL. It could be a dance step, or moshing, but that is too easy. I think he just got kicked in the ass by the vendor, and is flying away. Of course, that doesn' explain why I'm standing under him with a sword drawn.

your very hottie

This is Elys hottie miner girlfriend nina, warning me that I'm very gray! I can't put my finger on it, but there is something VERY VERY CUTE about this picture. Her hair? Her speech? nina makes everything HAPPY. Even the fact that I am about to kill.

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Here is pretty much my closest URUURUTOWN pal, Goru, explaining things as only he can! This entire conversation was so fucking funny I captured the journal in two pics. Basically, he told me he entered a fighting tournament called VAN, where he had to make a new chara (They say chara instead of char, in japan), and all I did was ask him about the fighting event. This is what I get. Goru is famous for saying REALLY wierd things like this in IRC, we love him to death.

This is the beautiful URUURUTOWN Lady Carrot who is, obviously, dressed like a carrot. Theres a few pics of her around, but I just thought what she was saying here was really ... creepy. I was asking her what the HELL those things were against the wall (there are always cute decorations there) and it turns out they were dolls. Still, a japanese girl named Carrot, dressed like a carrot, saying "muffin is doll head" creeps me out. However, it gives Ely massive w00d just thinking about Carrot saying anything.

Done here wasn't too happe with me. I think I was playing my thief, but I'm not too sure. One thing about Done, he doesn't type very fast (I will avoid gay puns with his name at all cost). You can tell by all the people and NPCs coming and going that he took forever to say this, I think he was using a dictionary on the fly or something. sick ... mother ... fxxer!

Ely and I recently got to experience a House decaying. I'm sure many of you have been to one, there is usually some fighting and bitching. A house decay on Hokuto is a VERY DIFFERENT EVENT! They all stand around blocking placement, there is NO fighting, and the play games with the dice. This goes on for several days!!! Ely and I were running various operations against them, and what we found was the most successful was STEALING THEIR DICE!!! Swear to god, Ely walked up and took it, and the crowd immediately murdered him. It was like something out of a Stephen King movie, all these people are giggling and chatting and playing board games, Ely pics up some dice, and the crowd chops him into tiny pieces. I took this a step further, I would grab some dice and recall before they could kill me, and later I started manadumping their horses! Which is really fantastic, I just take enough regs for 2 explodes. Sometimes they would just go get a new horse by the time I had ressed and gotten back. That is how bad they need horses. Eventually I would just run up and say "Vas Ort Flam" and see how many murder hits I could give out.

Man, I don't even know what to say about this one. I was wandering with my thief, and noticed WresringMaster inside this house, as well as a PACK!! I wasn't truly amazed until I saw the guildstone. I can't even express how much I want to be a part of the hello-work group's daily activities.

I know everyone is expecting that Tiger Fai update, and I imagine it will be around eventually. It's a shitload of work, but I'm about 60% done. My problem is, I'm lazier than a lottery winning wetback, so these things take time, and beer.

I was thinking... it's homo holidays time, and everywhere you turn, people are saying ho ho ho, sometimes old fuckers in santa suits and porno boots. Here is what you do : PRETEND they are saying fo fo fo. I tried this the other night with this santa guy at the mall, and I never stopped laughing. I imagine text over his head saying ofofoofofofoffofofofo. I guess everyone thought I was on crack. If you're REALLY cool, find a santa guy and tell him to say that instead, people probably won't notice. Optional : take shrooms and imagine the santa guy in an apron and orc helm.

Yes everyone, Wheez and I have been trying AC on for size. To sum it up, it has a mind numingly wonderful magic system, the skill system is pretty good, the map is big, but it's just gay. Every night now I load AC and feel dirty while I do it. It has that neverending EQ feel to it, like there's nothing to do in that game but level. It is only a matter of time until I'm policing the friendly streets of Minoc.

Here is a pic of Nija and I pimping it near the Mosswort Fort. Wheez and I basically grew up there. From level two, to about level 10, we owned the beaches and the Fort. Nija and I were indeed beach bums at the time. No armor, just some beach pants and a jap hat. This was like my second day in the game. We all look alot more retarded now. I guess you can kinda see how much the player models suck. There is really no way to express yourself with your outfit. That's great for tuffguys, but not for people who are dying to dress like morons.

Wheezl started his AC char a day or two after mine, and he spared no expense on the gay character creation. You can sorta see him in this pic on the left. He is the blackest sonofabitch in the game and he made his clothes and eyebrows all bright white. You think thats his eyes you see, when you run up to him, but closer inspection reveals that all you can see is his eyebrows. Big bright white tube socks or porno boots, with a BRIGHT WHITE TURBAN!!! On top of that, he has his nasty yellowed newbie underwear going on.

Thats Salina in the back with the blue shield, and Delusion with the big rack and yellow shield. Delusions name is Fatima abd Salome, and hes a black chick. Scary, when you think about it. WE THINK WE KNOW THIS GUY! Anyway, their conversation when they first meet is priceless. Read it.

<-----

A side note there is ONE MORE man who can rewrite the rules. That man is new.kye.

Here is a pic Justarius took while gimping around minoc. His guild title is [3y3 r0x0r, j00], and new.kye apparently didn't like this. He doesn't like our guild much, as you can imagine. He expresses this by saying "3y3 r0x0r . j00 fuck guild!!" hahaha thanks new.kye for making us laugh yet again.

Mammy Nun will be visiting from the hell that is the Navy during the Christmas break! I got a request tonight for some more chestjaps, and I remembered that I had two Mammy had sent me ages ago! They were both very worthy indeed! I might have actually put them up a long time ago. The date on this pics is 5/27/99!!! They are ancient indeed. Mammy Nuns favorite place to chestjap was Covetous 1. He was there at ALL times when he played Hokuto. Nun owns Cov1, let noone forget that.

I look forward to Mammy being able to play UO for 3 or 4 days during his vacation. There will undoubtedly be an update.

This is perhaps the largest update ever to grace Spleenshots. about 120 total pics, and well over 12 hours of straight work broken up over three days. Everyone please cyber me in query for payment. plz.


I start whackin' poor miss. "miss coam" "miss coam" He is probably still wondering why that didn't work.	I LOVE this pic. Not only is it another good action packdeath pic, if you look at Two-Edge and I, we are swinging in perfect harmony, except, I'm hitting. He's not. It's like those line dancers. No, not the stupid hicks, the showgirls types.	"you fuker" as one swipe does 1/4 of his health. He's pissed because he just lost his trusted packhorse, I got worse news for him... he's about to lose everything else.

That's Tiger Fai in the healer robe. After his 32823th oresteal, I'm owning the mines when this fencer guy shows up. This guy attacks me and dies. Then he tries to buddy up saying he's an FPK. He tries everything. I keep telling him to piss off, it sounded pretty fishy. Tiger Fai had been around too, getting his 2 cents and numerous fofofo's in. I walk up on them talking to eachother, and the dumbass is saying CALL ME? quickly followed by a SHIT! So much for that plan, homos.

Ely here in the white skirt, staring at his beloved nina in the blue and blue. nina was a COMPLETE jap miner chick, who was friendly enough at first, but didnt say shit. After screwing around with everyone awhile, she would just jet out of the cave when we showed up. When Ely stopped by, he saw her and instantly fell in love. This blond jackass miner was buddying up to nina BIGTIME, and I don't think Ely liked it at all. Look how jealous he looks as he silently watches nina, and this jackass says "tty damedayo" which probably means "talk to you tomorrow" or something. >_<

Dev here singing his "dirtnap theme song" as Wheez attacks an NPC right on the guardlines. We were just all hanging out and dicking around, it's not like it was a real death. We all thought it was pretty funny. Especially Dev, who loves to fuck with Wheez at every opportunity. Gotta love his batman tune.


Here's a tuff Megane from the Big Ore Showdown! After stealing his boat he of COURSE attacked me grey. dunna dunna dunna dunna DIRTNAP!!! He takes a big nosedive into the cobblestone here as his cape flaps in the wind.	Here we are at the bank a little later. I'm wearing his shadow armor, and saying I look like a dumbass. He throws on this extra newbie suit he had stashed in his bank!!! I ask why he wears all this gay armor if he can't kill a fucking rat. He tells me THE TRUTH!!! "to show off"


Kurtz and I are on Bastard Island hax0ring his resist up, and you know those blade spirits go CHING CHING CHING non-fucking-stop. I make funny joke^^	Later, after I missed a heal. Kurtz dies. Always wanting to turn a lemon into lemonade, I start having sex with his corpse as his ghost looks on in frustration... or jealousy?


Speaking of Kurtz. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? Some TOTAL jap at Vesper bank STOLE his name. That's just WLONG!	WTF is this? One retarded ass japface. Delusion has to go back to the books to beat this one in the sheer stupidity competition. Waving arms, one eye higher than the other, a crooked smile, it reminds me of that retarded guy from Goonies, or maybe the Elephant Man.

Thats the ICQ message I get at about 7pm. I tell Wheez, he would show but he's red. I also told Wheez, not a DAMN person is gonna show up, and if they do, it will be super late. The plan was to goto the Yew Courts. HAH! 30 minutes later it's the same story. Noones there, and Angelica Swift keeps asking "Where is everyone?" Well, when you call a meeting in a guild with TEN NEWBIES only TWO HOURS in advance, I doubt it will be a big scene.


Of course, one guy DID show up. Obviously the Guild Comedian. Angelica says "Where is everyone?" for about the 10th time, and this clown says "if they were up your ass you'd know :)" WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN???	"i never get to use that line" I wonder why, jackass? because it's fucking stupid? What is that supposed to mean? How is that "a line"???? thrax, you are indeed the Professor. I LOVE THIS GUILD!!!

Here is some jackass (Talion of 7, who we ALSO rolled that night, while he was trying to res them) getting the facts straight. These dumbasses still have NO idea what happened! And tonight, I got an ICQ saying that Angelica Swift is quitting UO! She's transferring the guildstone to some dumbass we've never even met! Not only did everyone we wack that night quit the guild the GM has no idea how long we've been around, and could never connect any dates. Should be smooth sailing!

Now for a very special person. Maybe some of you have heard of her, maybe some of you haven't. Her name is MiKiHOUSE and she has GM tailors on ALL japanese shards, and most of the American ones. She has MANY vendor shops on each shard that she keeps stocked at all times. Basically, she is a FREAK! But, I always wear MiKiHOUSE headbands. Remember, "r33t rove MiKiHOUSE!"

I run into her at Vesper bank, and show her that I'm wearing her headband. He is all happy and excited about it. Tells me THX a few times, with plenty of (^^)'s. Check out how HAPPY her char info is!

I ask her how much some more headbands will be, and she starts cutting some up for me right there. Puts one on a trade window. "ok?" YES! It's ok alright, it's STRAIGHT FROM MiKiHOUSE HERSELF!!! Look how CUTE AND HAPPY she is!!! "very thx!!!item" She tells me "plesent for you!" because SHE LOVES ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I love her too!! I say "all love!" about 10 times, and get 10 "thx(^^'s" in return! Then I *KISS*'ed her, to show my love. GUESS WHAT? SHE *KISS*'ED ME BACK IMMEDIATELY! SHE LOVES ME TOO!!!!

But guess what? I MISSED THE PIC! The two pics after this are BLANK, just the two of us standing there. NO PROOF OF THE KISS! PLZ KILL ME. THX.

I have so many screenshots I still need to go through, expect more soon... But I couldn't SLEEP without getting these two stories out to you guys as fast as possible. One comes before the other, read em in order.

Spleen	Wheezl

What the fuck? They think packs are allowed in our cave. I start rolling them, and B.Beck gets tough with all his fancy armor and takes a mighty dirtnap, while rich lets his feelings be known. 1 hour later, B.Beck gets a new pack, new armor, heads back to the mines, and dies to Wheezl the exact same way, in the exact same spot.	Wheez spies a pack in a tiny spot of unguarded land, and whacks this jokers pack while I keep everyone Energy Fielded in. Notice the "waving arms of desperation" emote in his GUARDS!! macro.

Iron Fist here, after going grey during the Team Japan assault, actually eluded Wheezl and I for awhile, running around town and hiding. His problem was, he only had one recall rune he would use. It went to the cave. After him recalling from us 2 or 3 times, then later finding him in the cave, we knew what to do. Wheezl chased after him, and I stood near his recall spot with a para up. The funny thing is, Wheezl tells me hes running to the Barnacle to log out. "damn he logged" THAT HAS BEEN PATCHED I'M AFRAID, IRON FIST! I remind wheezl, who reveals, and sho'nuff, theres an Iron Fist, who is staring at his desktop thinking "whew, that was a close one".

It's about time everyone met a VERY special friend of ours, new.kye. new.kye is a fucking JOKER! 2 or 3 days ago, during my last update, I rolled him 3, count'em 3 times. Last Night? He rolled a total of 4. new.kye first came to our attention when he wanted "1:1 whhz dual" where he also gained fame for the worst butchering of the name Wheezl. All one must do to doublecheck is hit allnames, or double or singleclick on him. "wheelz" and "weesl" are old hat, but whhz blows my fucking mind!

His big plan for that fight was for him to survive long enough for his big bad PvP jap buddy Type Zero to come down and whack Wheezl. Unfortunately for Type Zero, Spleen was also on standby. The fight starts, new.kye starts getting the piss beat out of him, 2 seconds into it, Type Zero shows up, 2 seconds after that Spleen shows up and squares off with Type Zero while Wheez chases down new.kye. Both rolled, both angry.

After a grand total of 5 (at the time) deaths to me, and at least 3 deaths to wheezl in the last 2 days, new.kye is gloating about how he killed me. Rest assured he did not kill me. One must only snoop his pack and see some pears, bandages, a recall scroll and 1 rune to be sure that he didn't kill anyone. Undaunted by reality, new.kye tells me stuff like "you die good ha ha" and my favorite : very thx!!!item. He wants to fight, and we fight for probably the 6th time. I honestly was expecting him to bring some friends to ambush me (he has tried that almost every other time, with both of us) so I could at least walk away with some loot. I ask if he is going to donate another force halberd, and he says ^^; very follishman. Always predictable, he dies in seconds.

One pack, 2 bastards, 3 miners. Wheez and I jump on the pack. These jap miners are FED UP!!! We each get a tuff miner on us. They whip out some virtual nunchuks or whatever they think they have, and drop like flies. My guy, Rocky, breaks left and doesnt even get close to escape, Wheezls doesn't break anywhere, because he was para'd the whole time. The alive miner in center stage, ZIGGY, is a fucking comedian. I said "ouch, rocky didnt get up on the 8 count" when I rolled him. We all laugh, ZIGGY says "no"... Wheez asks "whos cave is this?", ZIGGY says "no"... I ask if he's a fucking comedian, ZIGGY says "no"...

Some newb walks up and has a HEALTHY desire for the pickaxes left on rockys corpse, and Immortal is prepared to whack. I start crackin jokes about ZIGGY, Wheez is scorning him with his laugh, and he is very unhappy about this. ZIGGY says "no"...

A plan is conceived! Two very angry japs will follow these evil FPKs around, and constantly say retarded shit!

Immediately, blacky and kiki swing into action! kiki latches onto me like a koala bear, while blacky squares off with Wheezl after dying to him twice. UNSHAKEABLE as Wheezl walks around town doing his business. THIS IS MADNESS! HOLY SHIT! THEY ARE ..... FOLLOWING US! Adding insult to injury, blacky would stonewall one of us at random intervals!!! It's time to...

It's been one helluva night so far, whacking more japs than we can even count at this point. COUNTLESS Anti-FPK groups have battled us in the cave with little or no survivors. One memorable battle was some PvP jap named Sargosus who summoned 2 daemons to kill himself a Spleen FPK. He, his daemons, and his crew all attack a blue Spleen. Spleen is stuck against 2 attacking daemons, a cave wall, several blocking japs, and being Corp Por'd by two japmages. What could go wrong for this yellow crew? 2 things : my reflect earrings, and my backup man Wheezl.

1) my reflect earrings. I pull off a heal, throw on my reflect earrings, and go for a recall while several explodes and corp pors are hitting me. Unfortunately for team japan, all their spells hit themselves, and their daemons were emptyhanded. I remember saying out loud to Wheez "I just got rolled in the cave" when I pop up at Minoc bank with 4hp. "OK so he got away", they think in japanese, "what could be worse?".

2) Team r33t, thats what. I run in the cave and start dispelling daemons, take Sargosus's reflect off, and whack him once with my hally. I tell wheez this, so the instant he gets in the cave he puts down an explode he had cast. I drop mine. We both Corp Por. Sargosus is annhilated as 2 Corp Pors and 2 Explodes all do damage at the same time. He never even knew what hit him. Without their leader and his daemons, all of the rest drop.

Only one thing can stop these 2 evil FPKs Spreen and Wheezl and their crossdressing monkeyboy Immortal.

Wheez and I walk into the cave like we fuckin own the place (we do!) and it's packed butt-to-balls with japs and daemons. Finally, Strike Force: J has been assembled and is ready to end the FPK threat to the minoc mines. DEXTERITY D is back, dying to kill Spleen after he whacked DIPSHIT D and took his vanq katana. kiki is there, of course, blacky is of course there, and since he can't summon daemons, he starts summoning animals. Maya is reequipped and ready to do battle. 2 other unknown PvP japs were there, easily identified by plain clothes and horses. But, leading Strike Force: J is one bad mother fucker! His name? KAMI-YU. His game? having his daemons dispelled and rolling like a dirtbike. All day people have been threatening to have this "badass 7gm friend" of theirs show up. That man is KAMI-YU. He is evil incarnate. He never says a word, he waits patiently outside of guards, for us to step into his realm. He is a predator, in his natural habitat. It's killing time.

1) He got rolled only yesterday. By Spleen. Twice. Spleen was all alone. KAMI-YU had 4 horsejap healers.

I'd walk into the cave grey, and he wouldn't even stick his daemons on me. DEXTERITY D ran up to me once, but never attacked. There was someone KAMI-YU would fuck with though. That person is Wheezl. He kept telling Wheezl to go grey, when he had 4 daemons and 4 friends standing next to him. Wheezl tells KAMI-YU to "off horse", but he politely declines. "I go grey on your horse!", says an honest Wheezl. KAMI-YU gets off his horse, Wheez immediately Explode/Ebolt combos it to the ground, and recalls before any of the daemons reach him.

STRIKE FORCE:J MISSION

Their goal : Put an end to the tyranny of Spleen and Wheezl FPKS!

Their Methods : Summon as many daemons as possible, say things in japanese every now and then.

Their Results : SHAME AND MISERY!

Wheezl comes back about one minute later, and reattacks KUMI-YA, who chases him down to the bank. I start dispelling all of the daemons standing around, when new.kye and his pal Iron Fist attack me blue. I wack a new.kye with the greatest of ease, and Iron Fist recalls (as he ALWAYS does) as soon as it's not a gangbang. Somehow, KAMI-YU got guardkilled. We still dont know how. Maybe he didn't have notoquery on and mistargetted a spell or doubleclick and didn't know it, but I think it had something to do with his daemons. Whatever it was, he had NO idea how he got guardkilled, and the only thing he could come up with was, you guessed it, Wheezl and I use cheat programs. At this point in the story, I have to ask you a question...

Here I am putting some masterful fake T.T eyes over KAMI-YU's head. SHUT UP!!! Every time he'd start spamming something stupid, I'd cover it with T.T's so it would just look like he's crying, which isn't all that inaccurate.

During a brief break right after the wacking of Strike Force: J, I gate to the URU URU TOWN tailor shop, where Wheezl buys Immortal one of the gayest outfits ever created, all MiKiHOUSE original clothing too!


This fucker kept saying "fefe" Well over 20 times. I don't know if it's a misunderstanding, a repetitive typo, or the keys on his keyboard have been switched but he had NO chance of an actual "hehe". Here, Stew finally gets fed up with him and just plain asks. He gets no answer. I don't need to tell YOU, that he was completely incomprehensible.	LoveGuard!! by McAfee. I understand the vendor sell and bank part, but LoveGuard? is that like a chastity belt? and what the hell is a worried angry face doing in her bank macro? Shit, shes all yours, Ely.	Here's a bank macro for you. And the wierdest part was : it worked! All I know is, "bank0r" DOESN'T work, while that spam does. THX OSI! Now the real challenge : can you find all 3 japfaces in that spam?

I hit URU URU TOWN with Torgo today, and was sad not to see anyone around. I ran to the uruurutei (the town bar) to see if anyone was around, and there wasn't. Right when I was about to leave I saw my darling Suzu. She is the cutest jap in the universe, and a 7xGM PvP jap as well. It was like 5am in japan, and she said she didn't have to work, so she was just burning time. I ask her to come to the bar with me, she agrees. IT'S A DATE!!!


Here she shows me her angry face, while we were talking about PKs. She said she plays Izumo sometimes now, and I know she has a second great character, so I was sorta trying to talk her into going FPK. It didn't even get close to working.	We goto the bar, and she plops down a bottle of ale between us and starts pulling on it. It's half empty before I even get a crack at it. She even drinks with last target! I asked what she does at work, and she runs off, comes back giggling with cooked ribs and more liquor. Apparently she's a waitress.	I ask if she likes to cook, because I cook a mean steak myself, and she says she cooks good "tenpura" which, as far as I know, is some kind of japanese meat thing. I showed her a picture of some of my steaks, and she said "wonderful!... being deliciously so!" She can have my steak any time!

Wheez and I both took about a one month break, and sorta found ourselves missing the UO action. We have been logging in a few hours the last few days, and hopefully will be playing more often in the future. If Delta Force didn't rule so hard, I'd put all my time towards UO again. About 2 days ago, we got a small crew together, Me, Wheez, Dev, even a Kurtzy for a little while. We owned.

I have some goodies for you from that wonderful night. I'm gonna kick it off with a possible J00 MAKE THE CALL! If you have another explanation, let me know!

What you see here is Airin sneaking up on me from behind, and with a running start, she jumps and flying headbutts me right in the back!! OUCH! She also screams the japanese battle cry, which is Kal Ort Por!!!


This comedian, hide, was a little bit unhappy that I stole his stack of recall scrolls, then his silver power broadsword, then his runes, then most of his regs. That eventually led to his untimely demise. Twice. F A C K	Some American shithook decides to give me a big speech about how illiterate he is, or at least that is how I interpreted his speech. I stole his only shovel, and said I'd trade for his pretty pants. "no, these are the only pants I have" It's a damn shame, I would have stolen the shovel the instant it hit his backpack.

Here's Wheez whacking on some jap at the bank, who has 3 healers and is in SERIOUS trouble, since I'm stashed away behind that building healing Wheez. This went on for so fucking long I had to lure them away from the fight by putting blue GM plate on trade windows, and getting them to move or talk!!! I had just rolled the guy on horse, who was the previous owner of the plate, and I put all his belongings, power halberd, force heavy, and blue plate on a trade window and said I would sell it back for 15k. He walks to the bank to negotiate, and his buddy dies. OOPS! Later, when I sold him his items back for 15k, and snuck an empty backpack on the trade window, he recieves the empty bag and goes "No ItemS". I said "15k thx" ALL LOVE!

Hows THIS for a bank/guards/recdu rescu/vendor buy/news?/all follow me/all stay/all follow me macro? In the middle of T2A no less... (that wasn't even his daemon)

Here is Wheez and I painting the town of Minoc red in our p1mptastic authentic jap outfits.

I've been doing alot of fishing lately, and for the first time ever, started reading the retarded SOS stories. I found these two somewhat interesting.


Check THIS one out, EQ fans... it's loaded with anti-EverQuest references. Disaster indeed? Capt. McQ... could only be Brad McQuaid, lead designer of EQ for those of you who don't know. "The last days of Norr...ast" can only be a reference to Norrath, the name of the land in EQ. (Like "Britannia" is in UO) We're beyond salvage... As funny as it is true, thanks OSI.	Here's another one loaded with references, and once again I like all of them. I'm sure everyone reading this hated Titanic. If you liked Titanic, please email me so I can revoke your access to my site. "silly woman on bow crushed instantly" "sinking of the Miniscule" Miniscule would be as close to an antonym as you can get for the word Titanic, for you Andy T's out there.

In other news, BlackStorm DoA wanted to duel Wheezl again today, and while they were walking out of minoc to go duel, BlackStorm, ever so tough, attacks a grey newbie that was running by. Turns out the grey newbie (who later said he had 86 swords) was holding a poisoned katana, and killed BlackStorm! That's right, BlackStorm is so badass he couldn't live long enough to duel Wheezl!

I'm sure everyone read about our pal BlackStorm DoA below. He is quite the piece of shit. So is his entire guild. This is why we are implementing Operation : Smokescreen DoA.

The Plan : Some newbie char with a gay name approaches the homo DoA squad at the bank. Newbie chats it up with them, blends in by acting retarded and being illiterate. Spleen or Wheezl runs by, and/or harasses the group, then exits. Newbie makes remarks about what cheaters Spleen and Wheezl are. Newbie has confidential information. Newbie has pics that Spleen/Wheezl posted on the www.r33t.org messageboard, bragging about what cool hackers they are. Newbie heard about the pics from (we need a good mystery source here, any ideas?), went and saw them, and saved them. The next day the entire thread was deleted. Newbie (I'll make an ICQ account) ICQs various DoA members (NOT blackstorm though) these two pictures. GM Wheezl strikes again, and Spleen the hax0r3d pk0r. Delusion and I hax0red up this pics PERFECTly, and these goons are dying to believe were GMs and cheaters, so their validity probably won't be an issue. What happens next? We will probably go have a chat with them, and act upset the info got out. Not sure what happens next, any j00 member will be a confirmed cheater once this goes through, so anyone is welcome to have whatever fun they want to have. I will certainly do an interview with BlackStorm. Hopefully they get all upset and email them to GMs, who won't believe it for an instant, and they will look like dumbasses with hax0red pics trying to get us in trouble.

Much thanks to graphics demigod Delusion, who is welcome to roleplay the part of the informative newbie.

I finally got some of Wheezls screenshots off the computer he uses. Here they are, in all their glory.


2 retarded Americans(or at least english speakers) got a taste of some Wheez b00t, and look at the kind words he had to say. According to Wheez he said a bunch of kind things, all of which were as retarded as this.	Here's a good death shot of a packllama "santyo" getting rolled. I couldn't help but notice it's in almost the exact same spot as NAMS was in How to Packwack. If a pack goes up there and we see it, there is NO hope. No guards anywhere near.

Pics from Wheezl, Elysium (drobe and bow), and I drummin some shit up in the Minoc cave one night. This is a common anti-FPK crew for around these parts. We got Jammer in the yellow robe, YUKKY with the maroon shield, Athia in the dark blue female plate, and some assorted goons of theirs. Jammer "needs only a peace at here" but the evil Wheezl disagrees.

I'm going to break out something I haven't used in a long time. I'm busting out the purple heart of gayety. Who deserves such a high honor?

Everyone loves BlackStorm DoA! BlackStorm is cool for several reasons. He ALWAYS claims :

1) he's killed you several times 1v1
2) you have never killed him
3) he has 6 GM's despite owo.com showing 1
4) you cheat

Add that to the fact that he will only duel during serverdown, and always brings tons of healing friends, and you have yourself ONE BAD ASS!

Personally I have killed him around six times, and he was NEVER alone. the last time being about 2 weeks ago. He said he wanted 1on1, I said OK, he said it had to be in town, and he wouldn't leave the bank. Guess who was at the bank? 5 friends. I go for it anyway. A second one, ANVIL attacks me, so I'm fighting two, with 4 healing. Both rolled. All 4 healers claiming I cheat. Of course, he forgets that. The time before that was maybe two months ago, where I was killing them from outside their guildhouse, and Sand and BlackStorm show up to kill me from my six o'clock, but both end up eating dirt. Never happened. I'm sure Wheezl has the same history with him.

BlackStorm showed up the other day at Vesper Bank wanting to duel wheez. They go out of town, and sure enough, 3 buddies go with him. As usual, they won't just STAY THERE, they have to go watch. When that happens Wheezl usually calls The Wolf (from Pulp Fiction, remember?). Back on Catskills, Wheezl and Mammy used to have me nearby during duels, in case the other guy pulled any funny stuff, or "call in The Wolf" when shit got hairy somewhere. I log on and wait patiently nearby about 2 screens away. As soon as Wheez sees them doing funny stuff, he's gonna let me know. If he fights a fair fight, they won't even know I was there. Of COURSE they all jump him. I give one guy credit, he really did just go watch. 3v1 turns into a 3v2 when I roll up. As soon as I do, BlackStorm FLEES like a border runner, and Wheez and I clean up the other two with the greatest of ease. Back at the bank? We're cheaters.

Later on during serverdown, I'm sitting in town next to a guildmate of BlackStorms, talking to him, when Wheez and Blackstorm go out to duel again. Wheezl kills him 3 times. BlackStorm claims he CLed each time, while we both watched him spin in circles while he was para'ed. "Howcome I always CL whenever I fight you wheelz?". Some PvP jap shows up with a daemon and starts trying to whack wheez with it. Wheez runs from it awhile, leaving BlackStorm to loot himself, trying to dispel, but has no silk. He recalls to the bank, I pass him about 80 silk, and he goes back out there. Few minutes later, BlackStorm walks up and says "HAH!" "I ran Wheezl off, the coward." I'm talking to him, and he has already forgetten that wheez wacked him 3 times only minutes ago. "I didn't die, I ran wheezl off". Then the PvP Jap with the daemon shows up, followed by Wheez. The PvP jap is making fun of wheez because he recalled from his daemon. Even with this conversation going on, BlackStorm tells me and his guildmate he made wheezl recall. He wasn't even on screen when wheez recalled from the daemon. "So I guess I beat you again"...

Who here would not, if given the chance, crack a broomstick over this guys head in real life? Any hands? Any Hands? I didn't think so...

I love JOO MAKE THE CALL's so goddamn much I'm going to change it up a bit. I'll leave the answers open, and just make suggestions. If you have the best description, you get announced as the winner and it stays on the new J00 MAKE THE CALL Hall of Fame page, where I will put all the JMTC pics up, old and new. Remember, when examining a pic for a JMTC answer, everything in the pic is to be considered, not just the person dying.

I spot some orc corpses down south of Delucia, put on my Vas Ylem Rel, and head on down.

I find Myurer, more than ready to do battle with an orc! "Well met, fiend! <uuuuuunnnnnnnggghhh>".

The same instant Myurer drops, his companion Trent stumbles up, sees his friend taken down by an orc, and is gonna right the wrong. "Have at thee, filthy orc! <uuuuuunnnngggghh>".

WHAT the fuck is Trent doing here??? My best guess is, it is some complicated interpretive dance, and they are reenacting the battle at Gettysburg or some shit.

Massive update this time around... alot of random pics for the main page, and FOUR new stories, if you count BALTO which was done late last night. I moved some stuff off the bottom onto Old News, to save some load time. Important announcement, then the stories.

First, and most importantly, DEV HAS RETURNED TO THE FOLD! For those of you who don't know Dev, he was the only person Wheezl and I ever considered a brother. Me, Dev, and Wheezl made up the fucking dream team of bastardizing on Catskills (early atlantic too, kinda) I met Dev pretty early on in beta, and have hung out with him ever since. I was with him during the infamous last day of beta, and hopefully I'll be with him on our last day of final. He dissapeared like a jackass 8-10 months ago, and I haven't heard from him since. He shows up a few days ago "I thought I was dead, but it was just marriage." He will be using the j00 center some while making his char, everyone give him a warm welcome.

BALTOs Bad Day : BALTO Loves his boat, "Balto's Den".. Hey, why are Spleen and Wheezl on it?

Don't you HATE it when you're making your tuff guilds guildstone, and you can't quite decide on what colors or adjectives should come before "knights" or "serpents" or "dragons"? Well this guy had that problem in a BIG way, he was in such a hurry, and had so many good adjectives to choose from, that not only is there a typo "df the", He forgot the last word! We will never know if they are the "white silver dragons" or knights, or whatever. The owner was in the house, and for some reason his horse was outside. I rolled it fast and furious-like, and he just pranced around in his house all upset.

This jackass was named ATOM BOMB. I'm guessing it was some chump who worked up a char on a jap shard to have some fun when hes bored on some homo shard like Napa. He was pretty retarded as well, he speaks fluent AOLSpeak. His deal was to get grey, walk up to mining japs and say Corp Por a bunch, while making no motions, no fake attacks, and holding equipment in both hands. I watched him for a bit, to see if he was worthy of helping, and he failed miserably. This jap here kicked the piss out of him with just one Corp Por, but didn't chase after him. He comes up to me later, says "spleen r u a jap?" I say "konnbannwa^^" which is good afternoon. He attacks. He died with 2 spells, without even taking a step. During all the ghostspam, I let him know what a stupid fuck he is, in perfect english.

I'm usually cool to fuckers who make chars there to kill jap miners, as long as they have some class. I see guys named WE BOMBED NAGASAKI YOU FUCKS, and stuff like that, as long as they aren't AOLers I throw them 500 bucks or so to get them started.

Here is Andy T and asscavaters gay buddy Stew doing what he does second best (after sucking cock). He bought my crimflag/incog act, and the fight was on. I hit him once, paralyze him, put my normal outfit back on, then wait for the incognito to wear off. Realization of just how fucked he is hits him then. "spleen you bastard" <deathsound> The second pic is a J00 MAKE THE CALL! Is Stew ?


This guy impressed me with his r33t usage of dual fonts before he dirtnapped. After he resses, he tells me "you suk". If I suck, and just killed the shit out of him when he had 2 healers, where on the totem pole does that put him? I wonder if anyone ever thinks about that when they tell someone that just whacked them that "u sux".	As you all know, I LOVE good guard/bank macros. Andy T's is hard to beat, but here is the Illustrious MARINE, doing what she does best. Looking hot. Don't talk honey, just sit and smile.

On the subject of Family Mart, or "Famima" as us regulars call it, here is my sweet Suzu telling us she is hungly the other night. awwwwwww. I'd feed her. Beef. "little bit hungly...... >_<" I know from reliable URUURUTOWN sources that she is indeed a chick in real life, and she doesn't play much because of school... You know shes hentai-fine. I'm on it.

Hanging out in the URUURUTOWN bar the other day, I noticed someone was wearing a mario suit. One of the GM Tailors in URUURUTOWN makes these silly outfits, and dyes them to look like the super mario brothers chars. I went and got the Wario suit, and Goru runs off and gets the Luigi suit. It was such a big hit in URUURUTOWN they started gating us around to banks! It was freakishly wierd. Everyone was running up to us and saying "STAR POWER" and "1up!!" over and over, while bowing to us, before anyone said anything about us being mario brothers!! That is scary if you think about it. We hit about 5 banks, I was sick of it and left early. They didn't show back up in URUURUTOWN until about 45 minutes later.


Here is a couple of fanatics bowing at us repeatedly. the one guy in red bowed nonstop until we left that bank. and of COURSE Mario and Luigi had to show respect and bow back to him a million times. Kamikaze mentality.	*HAX0R!!!!!!* Look at all the neat shit japs have at their disposal. This one guy was standing next to us to take pictures, and was saying "star power!" with actual stars!

This is always good for a laugh, hanging out in an npc shop dressed like that NPC type. They always act all ashamed on hokuto, but when I used to do it on Catskills they got PISSED! Maybe because my macro was "I will not buy any of your gay wares, newbie, fuck off."

I just made the largest update there ever was, or will be. 84 pics total. I have some other stuff I need to update, but this took HOURS and I'm sick of it. Maybe later, or tomorrow.


I busted out a suicide attack on this guys packhorses after I townkilled him. Notice the corpse in the upper left? I had townkilled him, then banked my stuff (and his) and pulled off a suicide townkill on his two horses before he got back. He was quite upset.	My beloved sport of townkilling. Nobody townkilled like Spleen townkilled. Here is a good pic showing several funny things. Someone spamming for guards, a ghost who was spamming a guard macro, two corpses of clowns I just rolled in town, and the "You are attacking!" message for yet a third. How does the guard standing there answer their pleas for help? The guards are here to serve!

1) After some townkilling and a fake boat sale I had a nice troop of newbies following me around. Some wanting their money back, some waiting for GMs, some just waiting to loot corpses. The price of fame. Those fags want a show? Fine.	2) I had this cool macro for years. I would spam it when the paparazzi got too thick to walk through. You can see that one angry dork saying something about me being dropped on my head by mommy..

3) The angry guy following me around in the blue skirt had two packhorses up near the bank. I had told him flat out Packs are not permitted in town, he disagreed. It was as if it was a challenge... a quick suicide double flamestrike settled that. The guy in the cool straw hat next to me was SunTzu from TM. He loved to watch me operate.	4) In the this pic you can see him under the tree saying "he opened the plank with one key and gave me a different one" because I had just made 6k fake selling him his own boat back earlier. He is telling his sob story to some silly whore. She is standing over my body begging for scraps, and you can see he is wearing my hat from the first picture. Enjoy my hat, sluts. It cost you a boat, 6k, your pride, and two packhorses.


Masanobu kneels for the touchback!	hinata! You don't know where that horses ass has been!

Back at the bank, its the same old story. you will dead!!!	A short while later, I whack his buddy kiki, who says the same shit!
he's missing his japhat!


Captain dirtnaps brother?! He uses the same attack technique! And named after a transformer, no less! Please tell me, WHAT the fuck is he doing?	A good pic of BlackStorm DoA getting whacked. What is BlackStorm up to here?


Sorry chief, I don't think "follow come" is gonna do you much good here. The horses name is uma. "y my horse no come?"	Here is the new second Family Mart, built recently inside URUURUTOWN (player town). Not sure how they pulled that one off. Notice the spelling of Family here.