A Japanese Awakening
by Spleen
What transpired tonight was amazing. I honestly believe it is the next step in the evolution of the japanese online gaming mentality. I hope these guys tell all their friends what they learned tonight, it would be a beautiful thing. Let me take you back with me, to the Orc Fort, where it all began.
I'm out hunting clowns about 4am central time, not a soul at Minoc or the mines, Delucia had 2 people when I got there, 0 when I left, and I was hungly for some action. I hit the T2A Orc Fort just to see what was going on, and for some reason it's more packed than a free Ozzy concert. Imagine my suprise, when I walk right up on 8-10 japs all standing around someones corpse. When I get there, he had just been ressed, and was looting his stuff. I jumped all over it, looting weapons, potions, even bone armor, just so he couldn't get it back. Needless to say, the crowd didn't approve of this. One guy starts summoning a daemon, 2 attack me instantly, I see some Corp Pors and An Ex Pors scattered around the screen, and one hits me. As I make my recall the rest start crowding around to box me in. I'm standing on my recall spot, para'ed, looking at my journal to see who to whack. Someone named FAT (???) attacked me, and a good old pal of me and wheez named "taka-remix". As with all remixes, if you didn't like the original taka, you sure as hell won't like the remix. The two others that got me were 20char all lowercase incomprehensible names, so I figure I'll stick with FAT and taka-remix. I run back up there, coming in from the northeast, where I can sneak up under trees. FAT is standing there talking to someone, when an explode/corp por interrupts his chat, taking him to 1/5. Of course, he runs like a rat out of an aqueduct, so I chase him, taking care to doubleclick a grey taka-remix as I shove through the crowd. I accidently dragged a little bit when trying to double click him (to restart the 2 minute timer) and I notice he's at about half health! A Hallywhack and Corp Por sends taka-remix to the mat, I grab a bag and 2 weaps and bolt after FAT. I'm running down a deserted strip of road, wondering where the hell he went, when, by the miracle of baby jesus's furry little balls, I shove through something invis. I reveal a FAT, who no doubt just crapped his pants, and put him down with the quickness. I'm looting with a bone mage and bone knight whacking at me when the YELLOW BRIGADE rolls up, and the skies light up with "An Corp"s. Res? LOL, I'll play that game. I put a fireball up and continue looting as 2 people repeatedly fail casting ressurect on FAT. When I hear the Res sound, I hit last target, and am rewarded with another death sound.
I'm at 1/4 health and 385/390 when I see some red names coming up from behind the YELLOW BRIGADE. It's recall time. But I can't leave FATs horse standing there! Kal Vas Flam <horse deathsound> Kal Ort Por.
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I mosey up to the bank after selling what I could to the provisioners, when I spot a FAT (in yellow, and on someone else's horse) and a taka-remix (red) looking victimized at the bank. I walk up and say hi, planning on rubbing some salt into the wounds, when taka-remix asks the usual question. "are you fpk?" Usually I say yes, but this time I had another answer in mind. "I am TIKINMAN". I'm hoping they know what that means, when they both spam it up good, no doubt saying "why does he call himself chiken man?" "beats the shit out of me, he's wierd"
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Enough chatter, it's time to do the all-too-familiar (to taka-remix, anyway) standard salt rubbing technique, which is to put their stuff on a trade window, watch them click accept, and surge with hope, that they may one day see their items again. The exact same thing is said every time. Let me run it by you.
I put their stuff on a trade window.
Spleen : your items?
Victim : yes
Spleen : no, mine now
Victim : no, my items!
And they don't get it when I tell them that the items are in MY backpack, effectively making them MY ITEMS. When they hear this, they should know I'm fucking with them, and have no intention of handing over any items today. I am obligated to just fork them over, when they are sitting in my backpack. They don't understand the concept that "I killed you for your items, now that I have them, they are my items." The only way for me to get a laugh out of this is if they understand that I am fucking with them! I start sassing. "These items clearly say SPREEN IS FPK on them." taka-remix starts snooping me here, and I think he can confirm I am holding their items.
Huh? did he just laugh? What's wrong here? They always continue to insist they are not my items.
taka-remix must have said something intelligent here. "Our items are in FPKs backpack, FAT"
I just saw FPK in there, and immediately agreed. FAT, however, screamed in agreement, like he was saved by Jesus. YES !
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Then it dawned on them. "they ARE his items!"
"your items!!" "good job!" ... I wanted to hug him.
I blushed. It was amazing, Hundreds of japs have taken this test before, and none have passed. Even the ones that speak perfect english don't understand that I am just fucking with them. When they don't know I'm fucking with them, it really cuts down on my fun!!! I'm always hoping I can just get some TT eyes from them. I can never get that "you just hurt me" attitude like I could from americans. You pull the "your items?" trick on an american, and he's about to burst into tears when the trade window dissapears and his shit is not in his pack. He knows he's been had. A jap will just follow you around for hours, "is it time for you to hand me the items yet?"
SHARE YOUR WISDOM WITH THE WORLD, OH WISE FAT!!