BALTOs Bad Day

by Spleen

This is the story about BALTOs bad day. It wasn't always bad. BALTO had had a very good day up until his meeting with Spleen.

I have to take a moment to point out just how tough BALTO is. When you look at his owo.com char info, you see his mining peeking out. BALTO is nothing more than a tuff miner. He's rolled a few times in the cave, believe me. Semulath? Well, you can see his musicianship there. Lets just say these guys are VERY NOT TOUGH. Now notice the name of their guild. "Red Killers" "Death to all PK's!!". All I can say is : hahahahaha! Any red on this shard, japanese or not, would rip his entire guild to shreds. At the very bottom of the page, I'll tell a story about just how badass KPK is...

While playing my thief char, I take note of who is doing stuff on boats near town, and what the name of it is. I saw BALTO earlier that day working on magery (failing 4ths, too) on his boat, "Balto's Den" which was RIGHT by Minoc Provisioners, about a screen from the bank. I stealthed up and waited for awhile, but he stayed there forever. I eventually left. About an hour or two later I see BALTO at the bank looking tough. I snoop him, and sure enough, "a ship key : MY BOAT". I yank it, and of course he doesn't notice. I notify the wheez, give the key to tuff Spleen, and we hop on the boat.

Now lets meet BALTO...

BALTO had been out killing orcs or some shit, and had amassed an ugly sack of loot. BALTO and his tuff guildbuddy Semulath (in the ring chest/chain coif) head to provis to sell their wonderful lootbags of plates, ale, ring chests, and thigh boots. It's an amazing coincidence that BALTO and his buddy are selling loot to the provis right there on screen and don't notice us hopping on and rifling through his floating house. He doesn't even know his key is missing yet.

"wow dood, 1465 gold! not bad for a entire days work!" "y r those jackasses shouting at us from that boat?"

Doesn't Wheezl look awesome here? nothing but leather gloves and a deer hat. Greybeard the Butt-Naked Avenger would be proud.

The realization finally hits BALTO's turtle sized brain. "Those jackasses are shouting at us from MY BOAT!!!" "holy fuck"

I let my right hand man wheez walk up to the edge of the boat to handle PR while I scope out the ships hold. I found a fucking gold mine!!!

That is, if you consider gold to be a storebought halberd, some scissors, a few empty bags, a thing of nails, a practice longsword, and a chest with 5 or 6 pieces of bone armor. (which all armslored shitty later, so he undoubtedly picked them up off the ground)

X

BALTO goes into shock, he can't say more than a word or two at a time.

spleen... stole... my ship...

X

Enter Semulath.

"Is the possible?"

He is a genius. The kind of genius that would be a in a guild like KPK and hang out with the Andy T's and BALTO's of the world and pretend to be PK Killers. A SNEAKY genius. Guess what else he is? (this should come as no shock to you people familiar with the program) A counselor! Or as he calls it, "Consuler". This is how sneaky he is : He (used to, anyway) attacks us in the cave, dies, comes back and calls us cheaters etc. Next day he buddies up, asks if j00 is recruiting, wants to join our guild. This went on for quite awhile. Eventually he stopped attacking, but he would sit there and call us cheaters while we killed his friends. One day I'm thieving at the bank, with a disguise kit, and I find him telling his buddies that "his j00 infiltration is going well" "soon he will be in" Shit, I'll put him on the guildstone! I told him that too, the next time he asked. "sure, you're in, lets go put you on the stone." Of course, he was busy then, and had to go. A little later, I see him telling his buddies "im a consuler and im gonna get all there accounts banned" Thank you OSI, for making us laugh again, about youth, and about retards. They made a monkey a counselor.

I sail the boat off, trash all the stuff in the ships hold, and deed it...

X

I return to the bank, wanting to chat with BALTO. Of COURSE he's sitting around the bank on his nuts looking tough. "Missing something?" "fuck you!" He doesn't like to communicate.

X

Did it look like this? hahahaha

Lets just say BALTO is really bummed out right about now.

Semulath reappears, and lets us know he likes potatoes. Thank you for contributing Semulath, now back in your cage...

BALTO grows weary of my antics, and tells me I'm a hore. This is what 'Hooked on Phonics' gives us. A generation of dipshits who can't spell anything, because they do it all phonetically, one sound at a time. Glorified monkeys.

X

Now I REALLY want to piss him off. I make fun of the contents of the ship, most of his worldly posessions. "what a bunch of crap, I just bagged it all up and threw it away" naturally he answered "ummmm stpid... crap!" Thank you BALTO, for communicating with us. I think that's his apeish way of saying 'That's not crap" but he couldn't just say that. He remained pretty unresponsive, just standing next to Semulath at the bank for awhile. I grew tired of watching them, and went on my way...

From above : I happen to know just how well KPK fights as a unit. I ran into 4 of them in Cov3 once many months ago, early in my Hokuto career, and killed Grimes, BALTO, and Blood Bath before the last one split. I'm really glad he did too, I was OL when I killed Grimes across the screen with my bow, was out of root, and had about 15hp. If that last guy had looked at my health and not recalled, they woulda had it all back. As it was, I had to drop my lootbag, run over to Grimes's corpse, and pray he had root. Took me 3 trips to get all their stuff out, and I'm very careful to keep people's bags seperate when I do this. Here's why : Grimes and Blood Bath both had runes called "grimes vender", and BALTO had a key labeled "grimes". I went to the vendor, and there was a rune locked down towards the back, "jungles south of Trinsic" or something like that. I recall there, right to Grimes's steps. The key worked, Grimes had no idea I was there, and nothing was locked down. No furniture, no chests, nothing. Took about 10 gates, but I emptied his pad of EVERY item, Then left a rune ... 'dont. fuck. with. spleen.' in the middle of his house. I came back by about 30 min later, the house was GONE! I still wonder what happened. I bet he didn't know how to change locks, so he deeded it and couldn't put it back. Few days later, I see a couple of them at vesper bank... I walk up, say hi, get the usual "fuck off cheetr" greeting. I go up to BALTO, who is standing next to Grimes, "Thanks for the key to Grimes's place, BALTO!" Grimes immediatly looks at BALTO. "So YOU were the one with the key! U LIER!!!"