A fine sampling of IPY morons!

by Spleen

Just as a teaser for any of you out there who aren't sure just how stupid the people on IPY are, I have created this. These are just three of the hundreds and hundreds you can find at any given place, on any given day. I will say, not all of them are tough-ass miners and hardcore murderers. A huge percentage of this shard is right out of the EXTREME FAGGOTRY book and demand 1 on 1 fights everywhere they go. Just think of how stupid that is. They are red, and will run around a dungeon, and when anyone attacks they bitch about how unfair it is, then recall. You more or less cannot fight them. But join the IPY IRC chat channel? It is page after page of dipshits who spend all day every day talking in there, asking people in they want "A DUAL". As soon as someone says yes (I did once) they start spamming huge lists of rules and things you can't do. I was even going to go kill a guy and try and do as many of those things as I could, but he wouldn't even do it!

5 minutes later? He is in IRC saying something about how he has never lost a duel and no one on this shard can defeat him. 5 other regulars who spend all day in there will respond with "me 2!!! lets dual at ur tower!!". They even started organizing these faggoty tournaments. You can imagine how solid these things are, being run by players who can't even spell their given names.

There was a messageboard post for a 2 on 2 tournament run by two dipshits, both of whom were in the tourney, and the "things you cannot do" list was an entire page long, longer than the tourney sign up information. It had a whole list of tactics you can't do, like pre-cast a heal, and even skills and character types you cannot have. "No dexers, no healing, no potions, no parry, no med fighters, no stealing, no discordance, no poisoned weaps, no pets, no summoned creatures" etc. The next day, the guy who ran the tournament posted some pictures and the results! He and his buddy had won with their super special rules and a few disqualifications and are the official champions of the shard! Yay!

I sent Wheez the link and he summed it up well. "Wow - A festival of gayness for one and all"

Another popular activity is telling people they have been owned. Notice, actually owning people is nowhere on their to-do list. But they will sit in IRC and talk about who just recalled from who and what guild with 8 guys just "owned" a guild with 2 guys. My DSL crapped out when I was inside the mines on my murderer, and I log back in 5 minutes later dead. "OK", you are thinking, you can kinda expect that... except, in that IRC channel there were 3 guys gloating about how hard they just "owned" Spleen. They even took my head! In the words of the immortal Thyrm, "thanks for the worship!".

They would probably be so excited they would announce it in IRC if someone actually cared enough to take their head. Now onto the good stuff. Let me introduce you to :

Subject #1

Check this dude out.

X

With everyone having 2 or more accounts, every miner you kill has a "main" char that he threatens to bring and kill you. Some of them, however, are just so god damned tough they don't even need threats like that. They have threats like this! He made similar threats about 9 times, while I stood there grey.

I was stealing his ingots, and he kept giving me warnings like this, and I kept stealing ingots. Finally when he was empty, he gave his final warning. He meant business now. The wheels of your death are in motion, Spleen!

Uh oh! He really means it this time.

X

Or maybe this time he means it?

X

OK! For real! He really means it here! "I don't want trouble, DO YOU?" Who wouldn't want a piece of this candy? Grogan was in the area and I told him to come by and attack me grey so this guy would see a possible GANK coming on, and jump in. This always works.

This is a screenshot taken by Grogan, he took him aside and talked into busting my ass. Gotta love it.

He attacks me with his pickaxe after 52,042 threats, and Grogan keeps casting lightning and even hits me a few times. He knows I am in absolutely no danger. Beau Cory is excited, his juices are flowing, it is time to bring on th-

Unnnngg!!!

I mean, it always works.

Subject #2

Here is a fight I witnessed between two random fags. This is a good sample of what you will get if you try and fight the guys doing guild wars, or Chaos/Order. Trust me, they are all alike. If they weren't, they wouldnt all dress alike, talk alike, and act alike.

X

Really, there isn't anything for me to say. Easily half of the people fighting on this shard are exactly like this guy!

I wonder why he loses fights? He stands there not moving and talking about what "bullshit" is going on, then when it is time to heal tries to In Mani.

XX

He is dead! big surprise!

That third picture is because I said "shameful".

Here is his friend, tattling on me. Or, trying to. He is too stupid to get the arrows to line up with me. Willy wouldn't fight but his tough guy buddy here attacked me and finally took a dirtnap after about 20 minutes of miserable bullshit. They had a thief trying to yank my shit, a guy healing him and handing him poisoned weapons, and guys trying to jump in my way and block me all the time. They will nag you for 1 on 1, then there are always all sorts of stupid antics like that in store for you. It is best to not fight them. By the time he died, most of his regs were used up, and true to form, he told me "LOLOL u only got me cuz lag and i had no root". He had root. I was looking in his reg bag.

Either don't fight these people, or get used to this level of bullshit.

Subject #3

Here is some hot Topcave mining action. Some broad and her tough enforcer friend were up here strip mining the top cave. Not allowed!

I stole some ingots off their packhorse, and tough-guy Zandarz immediately attacks me to ward me off. If only he knew how many people had made that mistake.

X

He hits me all of 0 times, and immediately gets cranked down to 3 health. It was a little laggy, but what he doesn't understand is, that lag is the only reason he made it as far as he did. Apparently, in his mind, if it wasn't lagging, one of his next 20 weapon swings would make contact with me, resulting in an instant victory. I guess? No idea.

X

Check out these two killer action shots. I just had to enlarge them! It looks like I wasn't even facing him, and just busted him with my halberd while he was behind me, Bruce Lee Iron Fist style! Afterwards I stood there making a scary face and shaking the halberd back and forth a little, Bloodsport style!

Don't think I forgot about your packs filled with ingots, either, buddy.

Subject #4

This guy just had to be included. Some of you from way back on Atlantic might remember this goon. He hung out with some pluggers. That about sums up his illustrious UO career. He always called himself a "PK Hunter" and shit, and always wore purple! Figure that one out! Well he signs up on IPY and thinks he is absolutely the baddest ass around. It is a riot watching him in action.

He shows up on Bastard Island, looking for potential house spots (of which none are left). Does everyone remember what we do to people who wander onto Bastard Island?

I run outside and start attacking him. Let me re-create the fight here in text format, to display Vendettas hardcore "old school" fighting style...

At this point, Wheatloaf, the newest member of j00, comes running up and we both hit him with a Corp Por, and down he goes. I am sure he was super pissed about the unfair gangbang. He probably told his friends he got jumped 5 on 1, but the fact of the matter was he was trying to recall before I even knew Wheatloaf was on the island.

Here it gets funny. His ghost starts spamming boat commands, so I start spamming boat commands long enough for Wheatloaf to get aboard. Once he does, Vendetta just starts macroing "left left left left left" or something, because he was a constant source of spam. Finally, to fool him, I said "OK Wheat, we got what we need, let's let the kid have the boat."

Wheatloaf steps off the boat, and I did a fake recall. Vendetta immediately buys the whole thing and sets sail for a nearby island that has a shrine.

As soon as he hits land, I step off and deed his boat. Done and Done. You would think this would be the end of the story! But oh no!

About 10 hours later, I'm sorta watching a macro, and I see him in some new purple clothes loitering around my house. I am so scared of this murderer that I dropped what I was doing and ran outside my house with my house key on me to nab him again. As soon as he sees movement, and hears the door open, he drops a book and recalls immediately.

It was a book of THREATS and REVENGE! We were shaking in our boots so hard that I locked it on my steps and told everyone to "come look at this!" Everyone, all across the board, was laughing their asses off and hoping beyond hope that he would come and try to make good on his promise... as you can imagine, that never happened. I even kept my guy logged out hidden on my steps so I could try and snatch him before he recalls, assuming he was ever out there. We typed some funny responses in the book, but he hasn't been back. I know for a fact, because if he had, the dumb bastard would have said some more stupid shit.

Oh another thing, he had his house rune on his boat. He lives just a screen or two out of guards on the west side of Ocllo.

That is truly the stinger. I think he was supposed to SCARE us with how "old school" he was! What a dipshit, he was a dipshit back then too! When I was in TM (TheMercs) we killed him and his plugger buddies time and time again.

For some reason, no on IPY, the pluggers are all red and are bad guys now? They used to be the only guild that actually opposed the constant murdering that was going on on Atlantic. Now, apparently, they subscribe to the exact opposite. But true to form, you will never see them in a group of less than 8-12. They still wear the same green.

Anyway, as an extra funny bonus. After a little google searching I found this dumbasses webpage. I guess he lives at home making money by leveling peoples characters in games, and selling hand painted pewter figures on ebay. So yeah. He wins. I am not going to link his site in case he checks his referrer logs and might take it down, but you can copy/paste it. Here they are, for your amusement. You can also check his ebay auctions and look at the funny stuff he buys. Shit like commemorative spoons and Lord of the Rings toys! Unreal!

www.foehammer.net/ultima/frames.html

Check out the midi music!!! There is even a page of screenshots and lies. You can look at the main site there, too, to see his figurines and ebay stuff.

We all got a kick out of it. Enjoy!

UPDATE : 2/10/04

Since first posting this page, Vendetta went about 2 weeks without poking his head on Bastard Island. Well, I guess he decided it was time to come and extract some vengeance because he showed up the other day. Good old Dev had just started his char, and I gated him to Bastard Island and gave him some supplies and left him alone to start working on his character. No sooner had we said our goodbyes and I went back to my house, he was in IRC saying some red guy named Vendetta was outside casting spells. He was 20 minutes old and didn't know about standing in the spots to avoid getting hit, so he got killed.

Well by the time I even noticed the note in IRC and recalled in, Grogan was already there and beating his ass. I recalled in to see Vendetta standing perfectly still, trying to Rel Por (teleport) and issue commands to his two summoned daemons (which he is never without) and he is right on the verge of death from Grogans katana. I dispel one daemon, and as soon as he sees me and is down to one daemon, he starts trying to recall. I shoot one Corp Por and bring him down right before he targets his escape rune. Then I dispel the second daemon. Grogan isn't in this picture because both silver serpents were chasing him.

The ghost is Dev, who followed Vendettas ghost around for awhile so we could laugh. He was STILL talking shit! He was saying we are really in trouble now! He is going to hunt us down at all costs and see that Vengeance is had, etc, etc ,etc. He was saying he was beating Grogan's ass until the "gank squad" showed up. I am sure he told his buddies he fought bravely, and killed four before he died, but six people got him.

X

On his corpse was a rune for "Boat Looters" and "V". Gee. I wonder what V is?

X

So we recall to his house about 15 minutes later, and he is already waiting outside all geared up and tough, with his tough PK buddy Dib on standby. I haven't seen much of these plugger folks, so I don't know if they are any good one way or the other, but I do know they have a huge crew of morons, and if you kill them in one spot for too long, a huge pile of them will appear.

So in the ensuing 2 on 2, Vendetta died in about 3 seconds. I think it was two katana swings from grogan and 2 Corp Pors from me. Notice his awesome PvP tactic there of putting on reflect constantly. You can see Dib hanging down there doing what he does best. I actually didn't fight him, Grogan chased him off immediately. He said his awesome tactic was to drink potions as fast as possible and run around houses. You can see in the second pic, I am just standing there by Vendettas corpse looting him unmolested. I don't even know where Dib and Grogan ran off to, but about a minute later Grogan shows back up at full health, I guess Dib recalled.

Waiting by Vendettas corpse paid off, he brought his tough blue dexxer over try and loot his red corpse and kick my ass. I put a paralyze on him, and in the time it took him to figure out to pop a pouch (no doubt he was hitting his reflect macro) I hit him with 4 Corp Pors and downed him. Grogan attacked him at the last second but never got a shot off. Included in the screenshot is my mana/health. I didn't even take a step.

Dib came back and displayed his potion drinking prowess. I was just standing there watching him run around like a ninny when a gate opened up and a whole host of fuckers spilled out. I picked one target ran north, and was just about to start some guerilla action, when Grogan said in IRC that another gate popped and 4 more came through. So I took off.

But we knew they would come looking for us at Bastard Island, so we got ready for a big brawl. There were between 5 and 8 at Vendettas house. Wheatloaf showed up, as well as my two nutty neighbors Newt and Lewt. I could tell they were really nervous and not at all used to large scale fighting. One guy left to get regs, and during that time, when we had four, Dib recalled in and ran around displaying his potion drinking prowess. Grogan and Wheat chased him around awhile until he recalled, but they had their recon.

4 of us waiting for them at Bastard Island.

We stood there for about 10 minutes, pondering the outcome. We knew we were in for a fag force of superior numbers. We waited around another 10 minutes or so, with still no show. I finally made the command decision to get the fuck out of there. If 8 of them wasn't enough and they are still gathering troops, they will probably gate in with 15+. I figured it would be better to let them spend an hour organizing then come up empty handed. We all went our seperate ways, and Dev continued to macro stealing in the Bastard Island house as our eye in the sky.

They never showed. No idea why. If I had a bunch of assholes outnumbered like that, and recon showed them waiting for us at their place, I would have ordered a raid immediately. They probably would have hammered us.