The Big Ore Showdown!

by Spleen

The Big Ore Showdown! I've been wanting to update this for days now, but I kept adding on to it! You will see...

Part 1 : Spleens Magic Show!

Here's how it started. I was on my thief char, screwing with miners solo, when I see this dumbass named Ark up at topcave mining his balls off. As soon as I walked in, he tells me "Sorry,it'mine" I thought he was talking about the copper ore, so I run off with it.

I hide his copper ore, and he doesn't seem to care. It's then that I notice the small stack by his feet is about 450 ore! Many hours of work for a newbie miner!

I pick it up and hold it on my mouse, theres not a damn thing I can do with this big stack, and he has nothing to steal, so I just leave it. I figure it will be a bitch for him to drag it to town anyway... he's probably worse off if I leave it.

Here is where it gets complicated. About an hour later, Justarius showed up, and we were sitting there talking, when this dumbass named Tiger Fai (keep in mind I have stolen his ore with Torgo about 3 times up to this point) comes by with a huge stack of 250ish large ore. I tell Just to yank it, and he does, but its so much he can't move with it. I'm standing there brainstorming up ways we can get this newbies ore out of here, when Ark from the top cave comes by, dragging his stack of about 500 small ore. He walks right by me, and I snatch it.

Now NEITHER of us can move, and we both have stupid miners screaming at us. Ark just says "give" a few times and throws in the towel, content to wait for us to give up, which is probably a good tactic. Tiger Fai, on the other hand, screams all kinda funny shit, making us WANT to stay there. Just tries to get Tiger Fai to attack him in town, if ONLY it was that easy. "FUCK'N ASSHOLE!!!" I think that apostrophe is his way of roleplaying "being different", but as you all know from earlier updates, this is the "fofofo" guy, and he doesn't need roleplaying apostrophes to be different. He has his moronhood.

After screaming misspelled obsceneties for a good while, Tiger Fai finally submits to just waiting, telling us we are "scummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm".

Like a homosexual Angel of Mercy, Stew shows up! Stew is a real life friend of Mammy and I from highschool that started playing UO about a month ago. You know how it is after a month, lets just say he's a dumbass in UO. Did I mention he's a dumbass? Real nice guy though... About then I was looking for any help I could use. Stew was just the man for the job! I ICQ him and tell him I'm gonna give him a stack, so I can switch chars. I hand him the stack of ore, which falls to his feet, and he stares at it for a good 5 seconds before Ark grabs it. Ark, with his ore back, does the smart thing. Sets it right down and starts walking it to the blacksmith! I don't think so, Arky! I run up and snatch it away from him again, trying to think up a new plan that doesn't involve Stew.

We have 2 huge stacks of 2 different types of ore! The small pile at our feet is only 2 or 3 small ore. I add my ore to that stack, and they don't notice. I tell Just in IRC to drop his. When he does, I grab it and convert it to the small ore by combining it with that pile. Now we have one big stack of about 1000 ore, in control and converted. They still have no idea who has which pile of ore, and they don't know it has been combined. Now I have to figure out a way to get this bigass stack of ore to the smiths with my blacksmith char Torgo, to smelt this ore. I think up a masterful plan, and it DOES involve Stew!

I instruct everyone not to move, so they don't know who has it. Then I give Stew a stack of 2 ore and switch back on to my thief char who can stealth. I tell Stew as soon as he is ready, to drag that 2 ore on the ground as fast as he can, hauling ass in the direction of the cave. I'm hidden and holding the big stack, when Stew slaps that ore on the ground and runs like he's being chased by the L.A.P.D.!!!! With Justarius running next to him screaming "GO STEW!! GO!!!" the two of them start moving west, and both miners chase after them! In seconds, I'm the only person on my screen, holding this bigass stack of ore. I tell Stew and Just when they get about to the cave, to just stand still and act like they are holding it...

I laughed so hard while those two made a run for it. They BOTH earned official "Spleenshots Grammy Awards" for their acting performances in The Big Ore Showdown.

Steathing the whole way, I drag this stack of ore to an open forge just north of the mines. Took a few minutes. What kind of comedy took place at the cave I can only imagine.

I leave the ore behind a tree, log on Torgo, and smelt it. 500 ingots! That's a shitload for those newbie miner types.

When I get back there are a couple more people standing around. Some ghost, some miner in a drobe, Lord Hornet (a regular at minoc bank, total jap, dex fag, 50 pouches, recalls on the first hit) and some PvP pal of his. They are all trying to figure out just who has the ore!!! Holding the ingots, I stealth up next to Stew and Just, then unhide and hang out for a bit, so they don't think I was ever gone. I was hiding and char switching a bunch earlier, they probably didn't even notice me hiding and unhiding some more. I throw 500 ingots on Ark's trade window, and he accepts. SO SOLLY! T.T

I throw the ingots on Tiger Fai's window, and of course he accepts. Ark says something in japanese, and Hornet says "ore?", asking who has the ore. I tell them I smelted it on Justarius! Of course, they don't believe that, and Tiger Fai keeps ordering us to move, so he will know who has the ore.

X

500 INGOT OKURIMONO ^^ !!!!

Okurimono means present in japanese, and that is exactly what those ingots were. A tasty present. "very thx!!!ingot" as I thank the miners who so generously donated them. They still have no idea what is going on. "how does he have so many ingots? which one is holding my ore?" are probably questions they are thinking. Hornet said "shiturun" at one point, and we all thought that was a pretty slick word, as Stew repeats it.

X

I put the ingots on Hornets trade window, but he doesn't accept. I tell them again that I smelted on Justarius, and that "I SMELT YOU INGOTS!!" Finally Ark understands... FUCK!!! We all get a laugh out of that, while Justarius busts out a F A C K!

This is the best part. Tiger Fai still doesn't get it, and says "whoever has ore can't move!!", like he's Sherlock Holmes.  I tell Stew and Just that on my signal, we all start running around them like fools. I give it, and we indeed run around like fools. We get another FUCK!! out of Ark, as Tiger Fai just walks off, scratching his head in bewilderment.

If you look at it from their perspective, it was a fucking MAGIC TRICK! "These 2 jackasses are holding 2 stacks of ore, then another one shows up, and 2 of them bolt with a big stack of ore, we harass them to get the ore back, and next thing you know the third guy has it, all smelted and everything!!!!" Those fuckers were BUMMED OUT. Hours of work lost, and much skillgain and gold will not be had because of it.

Part 2 : Tiger Fai learns yet another lesson

This happened the day after. Early too, he had probably been mining all night. Tiger Fai had accumulated 349 large ore, and it was time to take that shit to the smiths and get THE BIG PAYOFF!!!

I'm going to harass miners, and I pass by some dumbass dragging ore. "Whoa! 349, he can kiss that shit goodbye! It's TIGER FAI! Better load hypsnap!"

I log on my smith char and hide in one of the good secret smelting spots. With the forge last targetted, I can't lose. All I do is doubleclick his ore stack, and hit last target. Ingots go into my pack.

He walks right up with no delays, and I smelt his ore.

MMMMmmmmmmm almost 700 ingots this time! A HUGE bounty for a newbie smith! He was no doubt furious. This is perhaps the FIFTH time I have stolen his ore.

X

I see this Megane jackass on his boat, just BEGGING to get it stolen! I hop on my thief char and hide nearby. Tiger Fai walks outside and starts chatting with him. I run by to get a good look at the boat to see if it is blocked or not, and since I'm not Torgo, he won't notice me.

Boy was I wrong! He still remembered me from stealing his ore 2 days earlier!!! As I run off he calls me an asshole, and walks back into the blacksmith.

While he's walking off, Megane says "fuck you" thinking Tiger Fai just called him an asshole!

Since Megane is a stupid newbie (but LOOK HOW TUFF he's dressed) I got on his boat in no time flat. Since it was guarded I had to play it safe, Since I emptied his entire ship's hold into my packpack, I dumped his big pile of fish on the shore just so I could go hide it later and he couldn't have it. I couldn't just gank his key. Tiger Fai comes walking out of the blacksmith, and sees us on the same boat. I'm guessing he thought we were friends or something! He says "pioson fish" like we're trying to trick him into eating the tasty fish! LOL

This isn't the first time I had seen it, and it won't be the last. This is the dumbass that laughs with a fofofofo. Every time, it's amazing. Since he is on to our poisoned fish scam, he gives us a healthy fofofofofo'ing. Either way, that dumbass is out about 700 ingots, and I DID end up taking Meganes boat.

Part 3 : Tiger Fai just can't be fooled!

This is TWO days later! I'm on my thief char, when I see a new, improved Tiger Fai walking some ore towards the smith. I was hidden and stealthing next to him. He didn't see me but for one second, up near the bridge to the mines. I doubt he even saw me at all. Even if he did, all he would see is that thief Spleen, he has no idea I am really Torgo...

Tiger Fai has aquired a healer robe and orc helm by this point, and is looking pretty damn tough! He thinks this 400ish large ore is gonna get smelted into tasty ingots! He couldn't be more wrong!

I log on Torgo, whos recall rune goes right outside the smith, and go hide in the same spot. I had to wait 2 or 3 minutes for him to show up. There is NO WAY he saw me come in here! I guarantee it!

X

Keep in mind this is TWO days since the last ore steal, and he has NOT seen me enter the smith! He is just so nervous about Torgo stealing his ore(happend 4 or 5 times by now), that he screams inside the smith to check for me!

Content that I'm not in there to steal his ore, based on the fact that I didn't answer him, he proceeds as planned! Let's smelt this ore! He lets out a hearty "fofoffooofofofoofofoof" and walks on in... TODAY IS PAYDAY!!!

NAILED! I couldn't help myself. I just laughed at him... for a long time...

Apparently there was something wrong with his plan! As soon as his ore dissapears, he lets out another hearty fofofofof, and walks around looking for it. Imagine his suprise when I unhide and throw his 800ish ingots on a trade window! "fofofofofof  your MOM!!!!!" He is VISIBLY ANGRY this time, betraying his calm "I'm just a fofofo guy" image.

It is now my sworn duty to bust an oresteal on this clown EVERY chance I get. If any of you see Tiger Fai mining a big pile, or attempting to drag one to the blacksmiths, notify me immediately!!

THE INGOTS JUST KEEP COMING!