Set sail for Stupid!

by Spleen

Everyone knows the policy on Bastard Island. Don't go there. For sure don't go there alone! Generally speaking, my policy on such matters is : surprise fuckers every chance you get. Fight people when they don't expect to fight. Don't fight people who are looking for a fight, unless you are 99% sure you can kill them. Don't fight groups of people unless you are sure you can get a few of them and escape safely. You have to weigh the two options, what is being risked, and what I stand to gain. Naked Chaos/Order fags grey at the bank with nothing but a kryss and 10 bandages? Not a winning proposition. You have everything to lose, and nothing to gain by fighting on their terms. Wait long enough, and you can always guardkill them, or kill them with only para's. Figure out something that they will consider unfair, and use it. For groups of fags, don't try to be dominant. Pick a weak member of the herd and drop them. That will usually send the rest into confusion, and maybe you can get another before the dust clears.

That being said, when I saw a boat with three tough guys land on Bastard Island, with no one else on in case I needed backup. I went out with my thief first, thinking just stealing their boat would be punishment enough. If only I had known just how much punishment these guys craved!

I found their ship not far from my house. I was stealthing around when they come running back and jump aboard. I got on without them even noticing me! What is even funnier, when they were sailing and I was hidden completely under the sails, I stole the boat key from Shlongar without him even noticing!

I then re-hid, just figuring I would wait them out. the next island they investigate, I can deed the boat and go about my business. It would be incredibly funny because they never would have even known who it was or why their boat was gone. But as luck would have it, along the way, someone pushed through me. They asked some questions, but I think they knew what was up. They had a stowaway.

They started heading towards Jhelom, and at one point ran into some sea serpents someone had fished up and left. I said "drop anchor" and quickly re-hid, just to watch the funnies.

Right away, Shlongar gets hit with a fireball and just recalls. I think he knew his key was missing too. D-rock was a tough swords mage, and ratm was something retarded, probably their lockpick/cartography guy or something. He had healing and a weaponskill, though. The serpents start laying into them

D-Rock is barely keeping himself alive, and ratm is trying to steer the vessel to safety. But the boat doesn't move! It is a mystery as to why, also. Can you find any clues in the last two pictures as to why the boat isn't moving? They can't.

Backwards doesn't work, so he tries forward! But it is too late for ratm. He dies valiantly at the helm of the ship, unable to figure out that "Ar, the anchor is down sir!" means that the anchor is down. D-Rock starts getting mauled, and barely pulls off a recall with, literally, zero health.

You can see him being brave in this picture, standing at the other end of the boat going "Uh, you deal with it".

I let ratm know the status of the situation. I had a master key and was blocking the recall spot.

But, like a greedy dumbass, when I figured his corpse was about to decay, I got greedy and went to check to see what was on it. Right away D-Rock and Shlongar recall back onto the boat. The funny thing, this time, is Shlongar brought the other master key. I had it stolen within 2 seconds of him recalling in. Now I had both master keys! It was just a matter of getting off the boat alive, and coming back later when they weren't on it.

I like this picture because he was trying to reveal me and be all stone faced and tough, and accidently hit his gay miner macro!

I tried to wait them out, thinking they would get off at Jhelom, but instead they let ratm get off and res and come back. D-Rock keeps paralyze cast the whole time, and Shlongar is in combat mode the entire time, waiting to nail me as soon as I unhide. When I saw D-Rock cast a spell, I started counting off 30 seconds, the time it takes for the spell to time out. It took a couple of tries, but finally he waited too long, and I went for the recall. Shlongar attacked me and D-rock tried to para me, but it was too late. I was home free with both master keys.

Then I figure I will just go about my business and check the boat in a few hours, for sure they will be off it and I can deed it. Oh no!

They just went about their treasure hunting business! I recalled on the boat about 4 hours later and they had dug up a few teasure maps and had all the loot in the hold. They also had about 1500 gold on each of them, and D-Rock had a nice new force bardiche.

They all three immediately attacked me. Except, this time it wasn't the same Spleen.

I just KNEW D-Rock would be a total coward and just stand there, so I went after Shlongar first. As you can see in these pictures, I put a katana and some Corp Pors on Shlongar and brought him down fast. What did D-Rock do? Stand there in combat mode. He was like "Uhh, you guys deal with it".

I got ramn next, with nothing but some katana action, I made sure to save mana for D-Rock, because I had seen him casting Corp Pors and Reveals earlier...

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You can see, once his two friends are dead, he then decides to fight. He hits me with his bardiche then tries to Corp Por me over and over. I am sure that would be fine, except Most of my Corp Pors interrupted most of his. He died after hitting me with only one spell in 4 or 5 attempts. I am sure as ghosts they were going "Hey, thanks for the backup there D-Rock".

I carefully looted every damn thing I could from them, and the ships hold. I had to cast Strength on myself to make it out. I dropped the loot off at home and went about my business.

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I try the boat again about 2 hours later. They were all the way across the known world, and had somehow ressed. Think about how much trouble that had to be, with no boat key. They had to park somewhere and take turns waiting on the boat and letting someone else res. They are parked near land, in the middle of nowhere north of Vesper, so I can only assume they lived nearby, and wanted off the boat. I asked if they wanted to get off, and it turns out they didn't.

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I left them another little calling card and went to sleep. The next morning, the boat was way over on the other side of the world, with the hold full of more treasure loot, and nobody on it. I banked the loot and deeded the boat.