Shit Hook!

by Spleen

Ask me to show you a masterpiece, and I'll show you Captain Dirtnap. Ask me for another? Ill pass you this beautiful jewel of a screenshot. This is pretty old, I took it probably 6 months ago. Up until the captain, this was our favorite screenshot, guaranteed to produce tears of laughter with each blissful viewing. I now share with you, this masterpiece.

The background here is : Wheezl and I had been killing and molesting this retarded miners guild called PBS, "Black Panters Society" (YES, panthers is spelled wrong) for a few days. They had THE busiest vendor house in minoc. It was located in town, about one screen from the most popular mining spot. As you can see, they had a vendor on one side of the door, and a Guildstone on the other. Wheez and I would stand in our spots, and give the miners a hard time when they came to smelt their ore. With us standing here, It was next to impossible to drag a big stack of ore in, especially with us grabbing it and hiding it. The BPS guys couldn't stand this, and let it be known that they COULD and WOULD kill the shit out of us, for doing this. Back then, all we had to do was attack the vendor, so we were grey and attackable 99% of the time. No fight, they would TALK about how they will kill the shit out of us, and how we were pussies and newbies, but they never respond to the fact that were grey. Their guildmistress, Sonja Nightblade (another great name, huh?) would attack us if we provoked her long enough, and I can't count how many times she hit the mat because of it. They had a pest problem, a bastard infestation, and there was only one man for the job : Dex Zappa. Dex Zappa shows up, and decides hes gonna straighten us out. He doesn't use weapons (and you will see why later), he uses words. His words are as sharp as Seros's backfat. His mission : to get Wheez and I off their porch, and make up a new language while doing so.

This is priceless. The journal kinda throws the flow of the conversation off, but it's understandable to anyone used to reading UO journals. Here's the big spectacular finish.

Dex Zappa : Let me in!

Wheezl : Fuck you.

Dex Zappa : Why you suck a cock smoke?

Dex Zappa : Shit Hook!

OOF! IS SHIT HOOK AN INSULT? I DON'T KNOW BUT IT SURE IS FUCKING FUNNY! I remember Wheezl howling in the other room, and I didn't even manage to stay in my chair, so I have no idea what happened right after this. I do remember he later came back with armor on, and I killed him with two shots from a plain bow, so I place his str at about 50. Like I say, words are his weapons. Who the fuck would need a good char, or PvP skills, when you have the ability to knock your oponents literally out of their chairs? I know I wouldn't have been able to defend, since I was lying on my floor, rolled up in the fetal position, and coughing up blood. I think Wheezl actually passed out or hyperventilated or some shit! What an awesome warrior he could be if he would just invoke the words "Shit Hook" more often.

This pic was taken less than 1 month ago, about 5 or 6 months after the first pic. I was on as my bowyer, making some Heavy Xbows for Mammy Nun, who still plays Catskills, and I see the Sultan of Shit Hook himself at the bank. I know this is him, because I remember when he first started this char, as a miner. I walked up and said asked my usual hard hitting question, but he was not available for comment. Either he had totally forgotten how to speak english, (which isn't hard to believe) or he wasn't interested in speaking to me (which also isn't too hard to believe).

I feel like mentioning here, what GRAND WARRIORS the BPS crew has. One time, probably before the first pic was taken, Mammy Nun had a fight with them. We used to kill Sonja Nightblade like clockwork for sport, just because she led that ragtag posse of english professors. I was watching Mammy Nun's screen once, when he ran into Sonja, Dex Zappa, and one other tough BPS warrior in Covetous. We both knew he had to take a murder hit on Sonja, and she knew it too, because she called her buddies over for the fight. Mammy Nun vs 3 BPS. It goes like this : Mammy hits Sonja once with a Corp Por, and when she doesn't run, throws on his Heavy Xbow. All 3 of them equip various archery weapons too. Mammy hits her with his HeavyX, at that same instant, BEFORE shes even dead, the other two drop their weaps BEFORE they even fired once, and both light up with KOP's. Mammy, laughing, kills Sonja with another Corp Por. What a brave crew. I wonder if she ever got tired of that?