Hoho : The Chinese Swandive!

by Spleen

This is a tale of the Chinese olympic diver, Hoho-chinese. Hoho-chinese thinks it's time to uhhh... wander? I guess so, Wheez ran into him on the mining strip, heading in from vesper, to who knows where. You see, Hoho-chinese never made it to his destination, unless his destination was the healers, which I highly doubt. On the other hand, he DID have a healer robe on, so we just mighta helped him out. Wheez starts up what we professionals call the "tuffguy assist feint" and I'm waiting about a screen or two below, ready to show up grey.

This pic was taken by Wheez, I wasn't there yet. You can see Wheez spamming this tuff passerby for help. "SPLEEN IS FPK!! SPLEEN IS FPK!!". Wheez's job here, is to get the tuff newbie to help him gangbang Spleen, the big bad FPK.

I show up on the scene crim flagged, and Wheez runs at me, attacking me. "FPK! GREY!" To the credit of Hoho-chinese, the olympic gold medalist diver, he asks "what is fpk?". Wheez attacks, and I toggle, so I'm not hitting Wheez, but he is hitting me. It has to look like Wheez is winning for the tuffguy to jump in. After all, what good is a gangbang unless the guy is already losing? I bet most people wouldn't help Wheez out, if I was winning...

It's looking like he just wants to watch the fight, He doesn't want to jump in. Wheez pours his heart out, saying I killed his horse, hoping for some sympathy. Suddenly, Hoho-chinese, the Chinese olympic diver, can't take anymore. His eyes turn blood red, his muscles tense, he can feel my magic tall straw hat taunting him. Ready for combat, he quickly throws his scimitar and shield on. I sense tuffness, and bust a fake attack. Hoho-chinese doesn't like to be messed with, this horsekiller Spleen has crossed the line. It's payback time!

1 second later, give or take 1 second, it's run time! I swing twice, taking his health down to 2hp. He runs past me a few steps, and out of stamina, he meditates. Not the UO skill meditation either. He imagines himself far away, at an olympic pool in his beautiful communist homeland, gracefully walking down the diving board like Rodney Dangerfield in 'Back to School'. He knows what will take him away from the pain, the perfect dive... Boy does he succeed!

THE CHINESE SWANDIVE!!!

OOF!

Wheez and I both start howling with laughter, and we, along with the 8 other judges, hold up little white signs...

It's gooooooood!

We even judged the landing, once again giving him a big...

Perfect landing, graceful as ever, little or no splash.