The 3 Minute Boat Steal

by Spleen

This is a quick little recipe if you want some cash or ingots, and there happens to be a handful of utterly clueless DoA members near. I had just logged on for the first time in about 2 months. I got on my thief char, who was in Magincia of all places. Let's start the clock...

Time : 0:00

How or why he was there, I don't remember. I'm just glad he was. Without even taking a step, I see Obiwan [Junior Moron, DoA] outside failing Gate Travels, undoubtedly using scrolls. I stealth outside and get close to them, and he and excavator (who you may remember from stories past as AndyT's big gay lover) are exchanging many 'hehehe's' about the constant failing of this spell. I patiently await for a succesful gate to be cast, which could very well be a numerical impossibility with these two.

Time : 0:31

Approximately 20 tries later I hear the gate sound, and since they are both bumbling, confused morons, I stealth the 6 or 7 steps through the gate before either of them.

X

Time : 1:08

When they get to the other side of the gate, Spleen is waiting for them! asscavator is actually an incompetant vegetable in real life, and either doesn't remember me, or pretents not to, but when they meet me on the other side of the gate, it's buddy time! I ask them where we are, even though I know EXACTLY where we are (a little north of vesper) and they tell me we are "just outside of minoc, at sean's house". I see three houses, these chumps could never buy a house, much less place one. I spot a boat...

Time : 1:15

I notice Obiwan doesn't have a key, but asscavator does.

Time : 1:16

It is no longer asscavators key.

X

Time : 1:41

I try the key on the boat, it unlocks. I hop on, lock it behind me. Then I let them know I like the boat. asscavator says something along the lines of "yeh man, nice boat, wehred u find it?" He either 1) doesn't know I have stolen the key to his boat,  2) doesn't know this is his boat I'm standing on, or 3) is cracking a fucking joke, because he knows he just got his boat and all his belongings ganked. My guess is both 1 and 2 are true, even though he is a confirmed comedian.

Time : 2:02

"back" ... "back left" ... You can see the confused question mark detaching from Obiwans head as I set sail.

Time : 2:27

I am about to hit the far shore, and have been looting the hold as I sail. 1400+ iron ingots, 200-300 each of the colored ones, and some piles of regs. The rest of the hold is garbage, especially all those recall scrolls! By the time I hit the far shore, the loot im keeping is in my pack, the loot I'm not keeping is stacked in the corner of my bag.

Time : 2:39

I step off the boat, drydock it so it pops into my backpack, and walk to the nearest tree.

Time : 3:00

Having dumped the loot I didn't want behind some random tree, I use my newfound runes and reagents to recall to Minoc bank, where I stick the deeded boat onto a pile of other deeded boats, and add the ingots and reagents to my thief chars bag of stackable loot.

God I have missed UO.