Vesper bank, oh how I love you

by Spleen

Man, Vesper bank.

Traditionally, this has been quite a boring bank. Granted, in '97 it was fun to stand on the roof and firewall people, but since then it has been worthless. Some toughguys bank there, so you can occasionally get people to attack you grey, but that has been the extent of it's use to us over the years.

Then the Hokuto GMs made it a happy, crazy place. Mammy and I just keep inventing new and funny gigs.

SUPER FUN THING #1

They added special reagent vendors. These vendors always have 999 of each reg, and they are always at the lowest price. This brings in a lot of business. Mammy and I both started adding lockpick to both of our old tinker trap murderer characters, because we have noticed that there are some dungeons just packed with spawned chests. Vesper bank spawns all kinds of different chests, from levels 1 to 4, so I figured thats as good a place as any to pick the skill up. While hanging around the bank I noticed something often, with those new reagent vendors:

Every time someone runs in and buys reagents, they get 999 of several kinds. They never have enough room in their backpack to hold it, and it all drops to the floor. This appears to be OK with them, and they open their bank and start dragging them in there. This has probably gone on for weeks or months with no problems. Enter Spleen

Since I was also adding hide to my new dungeon looting character, I found that I could hide on top of vendors then just lie in wait. Since I had to be macroing other things like lockpick, this was fine. I wait patiently and do my lockpicking until someone showed up to buy regs. When shit appeared of the floor I snatched it up instantly. If I am careful, I can keep my bank box open and drop them right into my bank, but sometimes I have to stash them under the wall for a second first. Considering each time I succeed I get 999 of whatever reg it is, I have made a ton. Literally thousands. Not a single person has even said anything about it yet, they just leave. Most don't even comprehend that someone was hiding there. None had the hindsight to reveal me and bitch me out in japanese. They just buy me regs and leave.

SUPER FUN THING # 2

Once my lockpicking was high enough, I was able to pick the locks on the level four chests that spawn in the eastern vault room. The problem is, they are always trapped with level four poison. It kills you pretty quick and you need high magery to cure it. I was getting around it with telekenesis, until I found a much better use. If I "chum" by leaving some gold and items around that room on the floor, then leave those chests unlocked, as soon as someone comes in to buy reagents or bank, they see that stuff on the floor and dart in and start grabbing it. They inevitably peek in the chests, and suck a level 4 poison. Since I was hidden in the door, they don't have the stamina to push through me. Also, that room is just far enough from the bank NPCs that they can't bank their shit.

Half of the time they are fast enough to cure themselves, but sometimes ...

X

They die. This guy ran for the door but was blocked by a hidden Mammy Nun. He tried desperately to open his bank, but it was too late.

The very first time I got a kill like this was the best : There was some sort of hunting party in there, and they discussed getting the loot at length. One guy was elected to check it out, and enters the room and starts grabbing gold. He checks the chest, sucks a poison trap, and bolts for the door... where I am hidden and blocking it. His buddies are trying to heal and cure him through the door, but I keep slamming it closed. Keep in mind they couldn't even see me. It was like an evil poultergeist. The guy ended up running around in circles and dying like a caged animal. His friends were like "fuck that" and left. I was able to loot him dry. He had cure regs and cure potions.

SUPER FUN THING THING #3

This is the greatest. Keep in mind, the characters we are gimping around the bank with are our 100 tinkering ex-murderers. Early this morning, Mammy was there working the bank solo, when this chick Sarada kept recalling in and looting the chests. Not only do we use them to gain lockpicking, we like the loot.  When I showed up to see what the deal is, I found a frustrated Mammy Nun, who said that chick kept coming in constantly and picking our chests. I said "Hey, can't we tinker trap them?" and Mammy replies "Oh my god, if you are right I am never leaving this bank."

Well, I wasn't right. The tinker trap system had been completely re-worked while we were gone. Now you can only trap locked chests (we couldn't lock the spawn chests) So we tried everything : magic locking them then trapping them, but you can't lockpick magic locks. We tried everything we could think of, even double trapping them with a weak magic trap over the deadly trap, but it was to no avail. The tinker trap changes were completely stupid. They claimed they were only supposed to be used for "home security", so when you unlock a chest with the key it disarms the trap. Thus, the only way to actually hurt anyone with them is if they have enough lockpicking to open them. Not many people do. Nobody bothers to open the spawn chests anymore. Home security my ass, what is the point? They made everything secure and lock-downable. What good are trapped chests?

One of our main problems was, she always telekinesis's the traps to safely disarm them. But once Mammy started rushing in and stealing her loot, she took to just eating the poison trap and quickly curing herself. We were sure we could get her to blow up, if we could just get these damn chests trapped right.

Then Mammy goes "Hey, can't we just make our own and try to fool them?" Of course, why didn't we think of this days ago! Well it just so happens one of my other characters has 82 carpentry, enough to crank out those chests. So I log him on and set to work. As long as I got rid of the ones that weren't lockable, and any exceptional ones, they looked identical. They even said 'a wooden chest' when you clicked on them, just like the real spawn chests. So I crank a few up and let Mammy trap them, and log back in with my thief who can stealth better than my lockpicker.

We do the old trapkill gig where you stand ON the chest and hide, so they can't push through you and notice you. We are actually both hidden in this spot. Sarada has been coming like clockwork every 10 minutes (the time for the chests to respawn) for about three hours now. We are sure she won't dissapoint. We set our trap and lie in wait. I remarked to Mammy on just how long it has been since I have been able to take a chestjap screenshot. Years.

X

Then this ZiZi POP dipshit shows up. He bursts in, picks the lock, and dies.

30 seconds later, Sarada shows up and sees that asses corpse. Plus his horse is still waiting there. She suspects foul play and bolts. We got a kill, but damn, we really wanted her. I am positive she will come back, but one of the problems is, now she takes 10 minutes checking out the rooms for hidden people, because she is so worried about the Nun running up and looting her chests. I tell Mammy that we can probably get her if we make a big show of Mammy NOT being in the room, like have him standing outside.

So, I set up on a new chest, and Mammy waits in the main room. Sure enough, about 20 minutes later she comes to check out the scene, and this time when she comes, Mammy runs right by her and makes it clear he is OUTSIDE. She feels safe enough and comes on in. Then, we have another problem. She picks the lock, then backs up and disarms the trap with telekinesis. It goes pop. Fuck, there goes our gig, and when she opens that chest and sees it empty, she will probably figure out that it highlights yellow and she can pick it up. I was thinking to myself "this would have worked if I was on my tinker and could quickly re-trap it," Our whole world comes crashing down as she walks up to the chest to loot it.

X

BOOM!! She dies anyway! I couldn't believe it! Mammy busts in and we start cracking up. As it turns out, they don't need to be re-trapped! It even resets itself to locked! (I think?) Apparently when the tinker trap things were re-done, they thought it would be a good idea to keep the trap there! so people couldn't just set it off then proceed to loot the home. (in theory). Hah, finally a change that works in our favors!

Another thing we noticed right about then : we weren't getting any murder hits! Oh god yes! Game on. You have to be a little more crafty about it, but you can still go chestjapping!

I put on her dress and walked around her while she was standing at the bank. She never had a d-robe, it was so funny. She somehow got another pastel suit on between the healers and the bank. I am running around like a nut going "Who am I? Who am I?" and Mammy is like "I KNOW, I KNOW!!". Then I gave him the suit and he starts doing his own impersonation of her. His was much better. He was typing "Ort Por Ylem" over and over and running around the room checking for hidden people.

Finally she couldn't take it anymore.

Hah. Mammy put it best...

<Mammy> oh yes... just scored 999 root and 1299 pearl off some dildo buying regs.
<Mammy> you know, between rolling fuckers with traps, looting the chests, and stealing people's regs, I think I'm beginning to love vesper bank in a whole new way...