War War Korea! : A peaceful evening with new.kye and his Korean Pride pals!

by Spleen

Part 1) new.kye : The Original Badass

The first night of my delightful return to HOKUTO! Who do I see in my cave after these three long months? new.kyeII !!! Korea samurai!!! Well, I didn't know Korea had samurais, that was news to me. If they never did before, they certainly did now! Gold armor, a white horse, and a blood red robe. He has trained and waited for the return of FPK Spleen. He and his crew are ready.

This new new.kye is malicious (as you can see), cold hearted, bloodthirsty, and shockingly illiterate. At this big anti-Spleen party, Ithaqua gave out a few murder hits, and managed to turn new.kyes buddy "tamer good" red as hell. They had to gate him out of the cave.

Here is new.kyeII at the bank a little later after that huge crowd was broken up. I said "HI NEW.KYEII" and he replies with "i am newkye", like I can't figure out that new.kyeII is a second char of the original new.kye!! Well, town.new.kye apparently sheds his informal robe, revealing a red jester suit, while adding the required cape. Here I can be seen with my patented Tiger Fai Mining Lantern, a must for all cave excursions. When nighttime comes on, you like like a glowing badass, and you can hold a katana while it's on, too! Several people got rolled while I lit up the night.

Part 2) Enter the Kurtzyload

an kurtzyload comes into play with some new 50 mace/tac char. He latches onto new.kye like stink on shit, failing snoops and showing his love. Notice here seoniri constantly follows new.kye around, and all of his weapons and armor are crafted by her. Hmmmmmm... Yep, new.kye has a woman, and she needs to ROLL!!!

"snuping ><"

an kurtzyload continues to snupe, and it begins to anger new.kye. Korean Rage mixed with Korean Pride and Korean Stupidity is a crazy, unpredictable mix. Add in 3 teaspoons of an kurtzyload snuping love and something is gonna snap. In this case, it's new.kye!!! He shows us his angry face, and prepares for battle.

Sadly, battle does not go as planned for new.kye. He goes grey somehow, maybe even by accident, and Ely, kurtzyload and I attack. Ely lays into him with a bow,  I show a little hally love, and he makes a break for it. He runs so fast he even shakes his healers! What he doesn't shake is my tracking skill, so when I found him parked in a safe minoc park, healing and waiting, I threw a para on his coward ass before he even knew what was up. Ely's constant archery love combined with my non-stop paras makes for one dead korean! Even parad, he racks up 3 instares kurtz kills as kurtz presses the attack!

By itself, this picture is gorgeous. What started as a gay healing fest, turned into an unfair "FPK won't let me move while his buddy drills me with arrows" kinda scene. I LOVE IT!!! new.kye one hit from death, right next to me... Obvious cheating going on here, too...

Part 3) god dammit I look good!

Equipped with my EVER SO P1MP new.kye suit, I head directly to the healers! I got one drobe kill, and he was smart enough to wait awhile before he ressed the second time. Most people try sneaky things like heading around the other side of the building, or breaking off south into the forest... none of these things would fool me, and he knew it.

He proudly strides up to the bank, and I congratulate him on an honorable duel!

I continue to pile the praise on, when he says that lag killed him. Well, maybe bouncelag, because he was parad the entire fight. And last I checked, lag didn't do damage, although I'm sure thats "In Development". I can see it now : Damage is constantly being calculated and applied to characters depending on their ping.

He hits the bank and suits up in a beautiful new copper suit crafted by seoniri. He looks utterly retarded, and she loves it. Speaking of utterly retarded, check out CAPTAIN JAPAN down there in his colorful NPC Smith outfit. He probably just thought it looked good. This is an outfit you will NEVER see on an american shard. EVER.

Some interesting things happened here...  an kurtzyload, our murder hit giving "man in the field" follows some gate that Top kept gating to "Duel Spot" and didn't back it back with us. It left him stuck at some big brick house. When he didn't come back through, all the dumbasses promptly left, leaving Ely and I all alone. It turns out he had gated to their guildhouse, which an kurtzyload was now running amok in. an kurtzyload is a badass. He deals out MURDER HIT after MURDER HIT! Most of these people had 0 murders, but he ENRAGED them with his bright pink hair or something. Ely and I had to moongate to Trinsic and run around like lost dorks trying to find the place, but once we did, we saw Kurtz had worked his magic!!

Part 4) j00 vs. Korea!

Theres a red tamer good inside, a red Top and new.kyeII outside, along with a blue SINZI and seoniri! THREE of these five dumbasses were red!! The great thing is, even after they went red they kept taking murder hits on him!!! I'd throw him a cape, help, and stick, and he would run around and look menacing! They shot at anything that moved, and he died in 2 spells every time. All of them except for seoniri were at least 3 or more murders deep into the red! The dumbasses Top and new.kye snacked on so many blue kurtzyloads they probably had statloss!!! I remember thinking to myself afterwards, they they will all have to macro over a week straight just to get blue, and much longer than that to get back down to 0.

After a tiny recon, Ely and I go into battle mode. Sure we spend a ton of time following japanese girls around handing them pies and stuff, but when the shit hits the fan we are ready to kill. He always gets reflect, and we chose new.kye first, Top would naturally be second because he's red. We show up on the scene, two of us, five of them. There was no suprise, they saw us recon and were out front with weapons drawn, prepared to do battle. What happens is always the same, Ely and I each put two spells into new.kye, who died almost instantly and misses the entire fight. After they see their comrade bite the dust they all panic and run around casting heals and randon shit. tamer good keeps firing gay spells out the door, and I keep resisting them. We try to do the same thing to Top, and seoniri and SINZI start healing him. It doesn't do much good. He goes down with a quickness. Out of mana, we bolt about a screen down and medit. I remember saying something like "wow they didnt even give chase"... We medit with no interference, run back up with full mana, and kill the remaining two. tamer good wouldn't set foot outside, but he would Corp Por a gay kurtz every time he ran by the door!!

Here is the aftermath. 3 dead kurztyloads and 5 dead koreans. There was a ton of loot to haul off, and OF COURSE each one had a horse we had to kill. One of them logged out and back in with a char that could res, so the red ghosts started getting ressed inside, and when they did I would pick them off with a chain lightning sometimes. I got new.kye twice this way!! They soon learned to not res near walls. They also learned to stay the FUCK away from the door after we killed a couple through there, too.

What ended up happening was : every single one of them was several murders red, and they were all locked two doors deep with "I ban thee" cursors up. They stayed away from the walls, and they didnt open the doors. THIS IS IN THEIR OWN GUILDHOUSE!!! This was an owning to end all ownings! Not only did just the 2 of us, Ely and I, kill 5 of them and plenty of drobes, they didnt kill us even once. In fact, I don't think I ever got more than about 30 points into the red! The disorganization killed them, they could have routed us both fast. They killed kurtzyload plenty though, if you look two pics up you see his corpse with nothing but a helm and a staff! He would throw on a blue robe and helm, go into combat mode, and they would kill him. He would res with the healer a screen away, put his helm back on, and get another one... "DAMN, FOOLED AGAIN FOR THE 17TH TIME" they must have been saying to themselves at one point.

Here I am hidden on the door, and you can see their carefully decorated guildhouse has "The Guildstone for Korean Pride" proudly displayed at its center. I think it was that Korean Pride that got them all red, dead, and ... I can't think of anything that rhymes. Fuck you.