Chestjaps!

by Spleen

Only a few days on Hokuto, and I knew I would need a tinker. Your average jap UO player is the greediest son-of-a-bitch you will ever run into, when it comes to loot that noone owns. Loot on the ground, in a chest, on a monster corpse, etc, is what they live for. On the other hand, loot on someones corpse, and stuff that already has an owner, they wont touch with a 10 foot pole. Go figure. Anyway, knowing this, Wheezl, Mammy Nun, and I made GM tinker chars, that do nothing but sit in our houses, trap chests, and rack up murder counts. I take chestkilling seriously. It's become an art form for me. I try to get a perfect pic each time, of the unlucky jap falling to the ground in agony. If I dont have an action-filled death pic, I dont keep it. I always try to have the name in the pic too. So, of my estimated 50-70 trapkills, I've gotten less than a dozen good pics. You have to remember, each one of these dumbasses that dies, comes RIGHT back, all geared up, ready to kill that pussy that trapkilled them, and ends up providing me with even more loot. I get alot of what we call 'bank regbags' this way, which is a bag stuffed with random amounts of regs, like 7 root, 354 ash, etc. The way they die, they kinda fall backwards, so when they are riding an animal, you sometimes get a GREAT shot of them tossin' salad. Here it is, my coveted Chestjap series...

JANGIN here is a member of a guild we love, [ROK]. What it stands for, we have no idea, or even what it COULD stand for. But know this! When one ROK guy dies, tons of them show up in a small amount of time, all of them searching for revenge. It is because of this, that Wheez and I snack on ROK newbies like salted peanuts.

Garbel, a REGULAR customer, prides himself in providing Wheez and I with assorted colors of newbie armor.

wiza kun, never one to be intimidated, has tried everything in the book to kill a Spleen, pet dragons, vanq weaps, gangbangs, summoned daemons, guards, you name it, hes tried it. The result? A couple bags on the floor of my house.

Theres no name in this pic, because it was kinda part of a series, some of which are here. His name is Raul Gonzalez, the char is male, he wears a dress, and he doesn't even get CLOSE to speaking english. He's a funny guy, and when he died to my chest, was looted instantly, and killed again when he came to get some stuff back, he told me he was just "unrucky". What a great guy, err girl, or uhh girlguy.

Utamaru is a regular of what wheez and I call GoG, Guardians of the Gate, these people camp out in large groups at Delucia gate, and do nothing but heal our victims that make it close enough to town guards. He was nice enough to provide me with a suit of green chain/plate here, so he can't be ALL that bad.

TONO, Leader of Bodyguards, Mistress of the Dirtnap. Enough said. Also a GoG regular.

Pabst Blue is a rare case, I've seen him 3 times, and killed him 3 times. I still cant figure out if hes a real jap, or a retarded american. One thing I KNOW he is, is under the age of 12. Example : his bank/guards macro is "guards come put this dik in the pussy of the bank vender buy".

toyo. (yes his name ends with a . ) is caught here during a private moment with his faithful steed. For some wonderful reason, one frame of the death animation, the victim appears naked, so its a RARE treat when they die on a horse, and I'm fast enough to nab the pic during the one pic while he's naked. Hence : the salad toss.

Inquisitor has one purpose in UO : Provide me with magic katanas. I have maybe 6 or 7 magic katanas in my stash, FIVE of which are from this clown. He dies with two on him sometimes. I don't get it.